God, I\u2019m late. I\u2019m always late.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Drycleaning. I wish. It\u2019s laundry.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Gotta look good. Gotta get out of these low rent gigs. Gotta get paid.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Bills. Bills. Bills. Got bills. Always bills. And Inflation. So much. So little. So blah. Costs go up. Money go \u2018gone\u2019. I drive my shitbox. It\u2019s just trash. All trash. It\u2019s. Just. Bull\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWatch where you\u2019re going buddy!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Out of control.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Gotta look good. Gotta optimize. Gotta collect. Work clothes make me look like a donkey. Gotta eat my oats.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Pullover. Full stop. Get dressed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
How about a polo shirt? No, that screams Terminix. A bowtie… Too College Republican. Tie? No. I look like a stripper. Lose the tie. Wait. Loosen<\/em> it. Go for a measured Rat Pack. Yeah.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cMe and Dino will meet you down by the infinity pool.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Crank it up. Big sunglasses. Bigger. The biggest. The best! America.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Get changed in your car. Cause that\u2019s life. Visualize. Be who you want to be.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Alimony. Fuck alimony.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cGrinding. Huh. Hustling. Huh. Busting. Huh.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n I\u2019m an old man. How did I get so fucking old? Bad hips. Bad breaks.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cTouchdown baby. Glory. Glory. Glory. Hallelujah.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Balls. It\u2019s another dirtbag motel. Like the second one today. I know them all. The bottom. The dregs. At least this one planted some flowers.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cPeonies?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Pe. Oh, Nies. That\u2019s a weird word. Disability Motel<\/em>. That\u2019s mine. Claimed it. Coined it. Disability Motel<\/em>\u2122. Shut up. Smarten up. You\u2019re a professional, Dude. Banish those negative nellies. Visions board that shit. Manifest.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cManifest.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cManifest.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cTouchdown.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Oh yeah.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Got my rolling suitcase. Betsy<\/em>. We go places together\u2013Betsy and I<\/em>. Got the concrete fieldstone steps. Got the classic motel feel. CLUNK. CLUNK. Pain in the ass my old mule.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Metal bars. Theft prevention. The Super 8 Industrial Complex. Disability Palace<\/em>\u2122. That\u2019s better. That\u2019s a bumper sticker.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cUgh, I\u2019m stuck on the stairs.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Fuck you. What happened to the ADA?<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cPeople havin\u2019 needs or somethin\u2019!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Knock. Knock. Remember the pitch. Keep it tight. You need this. Manifest. Visualize. Smile. Touchdown.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Door unlocks. A remote.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cIt\u2019s open,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I push it open.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Moment of truth. These rooms can be so sad. The smells I\u2019ve\u2026 experienced<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n This one\u2019s okay. Not too much fast food. No diapers. That I can see\u2026 She lets the light in. She\u2019s got plants. A real green thumb. Is that art? Did she paint that? No bad smells.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cThank Christ,\u201d I mumble.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Whoops.<\/p>\n\n\n\n She\u2019s in the corner in her motorized wheelchair. Her Herr DX13. The Cadillac of Chairs. The Jazzy 900 ES is for punks<\/em>! These ones got the tiny spider feet. Better for mobility. And nightmares.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I\u2019m sweating. I gotta do more reps. Later.<\/p>\n\n\n\n She\u2019s wearing sweats. Lululemon<\/em>. That\u2019s aspirational. She\u2019s got the brain implants. Her energy\u2026 Confident. Analytical maybe? Yeah, but cool. Corporate, but cool<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I hold out my hand. \u201cI\u2019m Ryder. I was sent by the agency,\u201d I say.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI know. I\u2019m waiting,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I was expecting the old Hawkins\u2019 voice.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI\u2019m sorry, I\u2019m late,\u201d I stammer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n She\u2019s kind of sexy. But fierce. Boss lady.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cYou look like a stripper,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI\u2019m supposed to be a nurse,\u201d I say<\/p>\n\n\n\n What was she like before the accident? Kinder? Gentler?<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cLike a Reno nurse?\u201d She says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI like your space,\u201d I say.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Establish trust. Remember that Client Forward seminar. Build a connection.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI\u2019m rolling calls in an hour. If you\u2019re late, you\u2019re costing me money,” she says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Right. Money. Right. Inflation. Right. Poverty. Right. Despair. That old crushing feeling.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Go straight for the pitch. Get the money.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cYou got the Medicare Schedule F QR Code?\u201d I ask.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cOn my ipad,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n She holds her screen tight.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cLet me run through the options…\u201d I say.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI want Option C. With the aftercare supplement. Your manager said that it was\u2026\u201d Damn. She did their homework. OK. Be cool. You\u2019re already at yes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cDon\u2019t you want to know the copay?\u201d I ask.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI know your name. And I don\u2019t care,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I can see on her paperwork that her name is Jessica.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cToday, I want you to call me Raven,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Her Herr DX13 moves towards me. Its tiny spider legs pitter patter. Through the blankets, I catch a glimpse of what\u2019s left of her human legs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n A gripper thrusts her ipad towards me. I scan the QR code with my phone. The words of the immortal Shep Gordon ring true: \u201cAlways remember. To never forget. To always get paid.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n My phone beeps.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cA copy of the receipt has been sent to your inbox. Please fill out a brief customer survey at the end of our Remote Session. It would help with my ranking,\u201d I say.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cCan we begin?\u201d She says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I click open Betsy. Get my shit. Wires plus the console. I always feel like I\u2019m selling cosmetics out of tupperware. Leggings. Supplements. Body jackin\u2019. Whatevs. Pound that beat.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cAs an extrasensory tech, I need to quickly go over our safety protocols\u2026\u201d I say.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI thought you would be a woman,\u201d She says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n That takes the wind out of me. I pull out several bundles of cables to regain focus.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201c5, 6, 7, 8\u2026 I know you asked for a woman. But Melodie called in sick\u2026\u201d I reply.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cYou were available…\u201d She says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I lay out the cables on the bed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n She looks upset. \u201c…I\u2019ve never had a man before,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201c9, 10, 11\u2026 First time for everything,\u201d I reply.<\/p>\n\n\n\n EKG tabs are out. Conductive gel. She chews on her lip. What\u2019s she thinking about?<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWhat\u2019s it like to have a penis?\u201d She asks.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201c12, 13, 14\u2026\u201d Shit, I lost count. \u201cI don\u2019t know… Flappy?\u201d I reply.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cLike hetero-normative cis male privilege?\u201d She says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cMaybe. Sure. I guess\u2026 What<\/em>?\u201d I say.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cLike what\u2019s normal<\/em>?\u201d She says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I clean my hands with disinfectant.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cLike it\u2019s a piece of skin on my body. I pee out of it. It gets hard when I get horny. I try not to get it smacked when I play sports,\u201d I say.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I apply the conductive paste.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWhat\u2019s it like to have a vagina?\u201d I ask.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cIt\u2019s warm\u2026 was\u2026 I\u2019ve had trouble since the accident,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I peel the EKG tabs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cAnd you just want to feel\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cNormal\u2026 Maybe a little bit horny.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n I apply the tabs to her temple…<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cSure, doesn\u2019t everyone?\u201d I reply.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI feel like a Mothertruckin\u2019 Apache Attack Helicopter,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2026And wire the tabs in.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cCan you feel anything below your neck?\u201d I ask.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cSometimes my big toe feels like it\u2019s just floating out there on itchy island,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I calibrate.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cCan you feel the pulses in your arms? Legs? Chest? And your neck?\u201d I ask.<\/p>\n\n\n\n She nods. Good. We\u2019re calibrated.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWhat\u2019s our safety word?\u201d I ask.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cAn absolute death machine…\u201d she says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I take off my jacket and tie.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cDon\u2019t play dumb,\u201d I say.<\/p>\n\n\n\n My input jacks are visible. I hook the blue cables up to them. I place a large metal syringe on the side table.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cSteven Malkmus,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I record the safeword. And give a thumbs up.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cDidn\u2019t peg you for an indie rock fan?\u201d I say.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cSure, whatever,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI like his Post-Pavement stuff,\u201d I say.<\/p>\n\n\n\n We share a smile. I grab her hands. They\u2019re freezing cold. \u201cI\u2019m holding your hands.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI know. I\u2019m paralyzed. Not blind,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I squeeze them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cRemember the rules. No weird shit. OK, not too much of it. I\u2019m not a fan of food stuff. You break me. You buy me. No violence,\u201d I say.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cYeah, yeah, yeah. I give you my consent,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cYou got the ice cold water in the fridge?\u201d I ask.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cYeah it\u2019s in a bucket,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cGood, that\u2019s our first failsafe. Splash me if the rig goes numb,\u201d I say.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cThat\u2019s a weird name for your body,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cSecond. There\u2019s a syringe of paralytic on the side table in case we spazz out,\u201d I say.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cCan\u2019t say that word anymore,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI\u2019m sorry. Flailing so bad that I tear tissue and end up in the ER,\u201d I say.<\/p>\n\n\n\n She locks eyes with me. Her voice is loud and clear.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cAre you taking the B train up to the DJ booth? Or are we just going to talk?\u201d she says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI prefer to call it the wings<\/em>,\u201d I say.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cAs in waiting in the\u2026\u201d she says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I mumble a short prayer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cSaint Giles keep us\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cHoney, this ain\u2019t Catholicism. It\u2019s witchcraft.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n I wave my hands like an angel flaps its wings. Buh Bye<\/em>. I strap on the headpiece.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cHow\u2019s your wifi?\u201d I ask.<\/p>\n\n\n\n She nods to the terminal on top of the dresser.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cEhhh,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I turn left. I turn right.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cLag\u2019s manageable,\u201d I say.<\/p>\n\n\n\n You don\u2019t want too much lag. That\u2019ll make you puke. And I don\u2019t feel like cleaning sheets. I crank my Woodsy Owl timer and place it on her side table.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cTimer\u2019s on,\u201d I say.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I gently place the goggles over her eyes. I tighten the strap.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cUgh,\u201d she says<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cBlink,\u201d I say.<\/p>\n\n\n\n She blinks.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cGood\u2026. Here we go,\u201d I say.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I lie down on the bed next to my console.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201c3\u20262\u20261\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n I flip the switch. Push the button. Trigger the device.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Everything goes fisheyed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Numbness. Hot and sweaty. I\u2019m a slab of butter.<\/p>\n\n\n\n My limbs are echoes. I\u2019m now sitting offstage left clutching my knees. Waiting. Minding my own business. Watching the outside world through a peephole.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I meditate. I picture myself as a boat on a river. Assume the Lotus position. I breathe in. I breathe out. She\u2019s now in control.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I can feel his fingertips.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I stare down at his toes. I wiggle them. For forever\u2026 Like they\u2019re my<\/em> toes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I turn, and look over at my body. Those goggles look stupid on me. I wave a hand in front of my unmoving face. Is that what I look like? God, I look so angry.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I stand up.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Holy Shit, I\u2019m standing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I rub my feet on the carpet.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Oh. Oh. Ohhhhh. It feels like\u2026 electricity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n My shoulders. Oooooh. He\u2019s been working out.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Check this out.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cBoom. Boom. Boom.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n I can flex!<\/p>\n\n\n\n Oh man\u2026 woman\u2026 Man! I can jump! I can spin!<\/p>\n\n\n\n Got a bit of a paunch. Too many burritos, dude.<\/p>\n\n\n\n [I can hear you.]<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cShut up, this is me<\/em> time\u2026 But seriously eat more fruit,\u201d I say.<\/p>\n\n\n\n [Fuck you, are you my dietician?]<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cFuck me? Fuck you!\u201d I reply.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Oh shit\u2026 I have a dick! \u2026It\u2019s kind of okay.<\/p>\n\n\n\n [Thanks\u2026]<\/p>\n\n\n\n Fwappity. Fwap. Fwap.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cFwaaaappy<\/em>!\u201d I shout.<\/p>\n\n\n\n [\u2018Was that your Pacino<\/em>?\u2019]<\/p>\n\n\n\n Holy shit, it\u2019s a helicopter!<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cHen-garde Villain! Hwah! Hwah! Hwah!<\/em>\u201d I say.<\/p>\n\n\n\n [Please stop that.]<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cMy name is Inigo Montoya<\/em>!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n [What did I say about violence<\/em>?]<\/p>\n\n\n\n Ahhh, ahhh, ahhh I have a cramp in my foot\u2026.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cA cramp\u2026 That\u2019s amazing<\/em>!\u201d I say, \u201cGonna put on some lipstick<\/em>!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Mmmmm, mmmmm my lips, oooh my lips. My lovely little lips.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n [Fergie, please<\/em>]<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cSmaaaaacking<\/em>,\u201d I say.<\/p>\n\n\n\n [Please.<\/em>]<\/p>\n\n\n\n Talking with my belly button\u2026.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cSmaaaaaahkin<\/em>\u2019,\u201d I say.<\/p>\n\n\n\n [I\u2019ve had weirder<\/em>.]<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cOh, have you now<\/em>?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n [Oh come on. Stay out of the kitchen!<\/em>]<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cMmmm food. Fuck yeah food,\u201d I sing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Nom, nom, nom. <\/em>Gonna toast a bagel.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cGet some Yo-gurt. Gonna. Get some. Go-gurt,\u201d I sing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Put some seeeeeds in there.<\/p>\n\n\n\n [Look<\/em>, I get it.]<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cAdd some fruuuuuit,\u201d I dance.<\/p>\n\n\n\n [You don\u2019t have to shame<\/em> me.]<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cYummmm<\/em>,\u201d I say.<\/p>\n\n\n\n And spill it all over my fingers.<\/p>\n\n\n\n [Please don\u2019t.]<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cOh. My. God. That feels amazing.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Kahhh-chhhhhing<\/em>! Bagel\u2019s ready.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cOw. Hot. Hot. Hot,\u201d I say<\/p>\n\n\n\n Mmmmmm<\/em>\u2026 Hot.<\/p>\n\n\n\n [Rule number two<\/em>.]<\/p>\n\n\n\n I\u2019m blowing on my fingers.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Wait.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n [That feeling\u2026 <\/em>I taste metal. Something\u2019s wrong.<\/em>]<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cFffffffffffff\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n [Wait.<\/em>]<\/p>\n\n\n\n Fingers feel cold. Fingers feel hot\u2026.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI\u2019m going to toast another bagel.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n [\u201cThere\u2019s an issue with proprio… I need a couple minutes to run diagnostics,\u201d I say.]<\/p>\n\n\n\n Our body twists.<\/p>\n\n\n\n [Our body stops moving. And she joins me up in the DJ booth. In the wings.]<\/p>\n\n\n\n [\u201cTwo secs,\u201d I tell her.]<\/p>\n\n\n\n I go back down to the dance floor.<\/p>\n\n\n\n My eyes twitch. A fasciculation. That\u2019s not good.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I hear a guitar one-two in my head. A swirling fuzz. I know those chords. In. Out. Like leaves in a gust of wind. Is that a drum?<\/p>\n\n\n\n I feel lightheaded.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I stagger…<\/p>\n\n\n\n I black out.<\/p>\n\n\n\n #<\/p>\n\n\n\n #<\/p>\n\n\n\n #<\/p>\n\n\n\n {We\u2019re lying on the edge of a bed. We feel new.}<\/p>\n\n\n\n {We\u2019re running our fingers on the old shag carpet. Good, their fingers work.}<\/p>\n\n\n\n {We can feel every hair on their arm. We\u2019re touching their scalp.}<\/p>\n\n\n\n {Why does he keep it so short? It doesn\u2019t do him any favors.}<\/p>\n\n\n\n {We\u2019d grow it down to our waist.}<\/p>\n\n\n\n #<\/p>\n\n\n\n #<\/p>\n\n\n\n #<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cOuf\u2026\u201d I say.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Bad hand cramp.<\/p>\n\n\n\n [I\u2019m back. I\u2019m way off in the wings. Who\u2019s handling the rig?]<\/p>\n\n\n\n [\u201cRaven\u2026 why are we standing?\u201d]<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cYou tell me. I thought you were calibrating?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n [I don\u2019t know. There was interference.]<\/p>\n\n\n\n What\u2019s up with the cramps?<\/p>\n\n\n\n [It\u2019s a football injury. Aging sucks.]<\/p>\n\n\n\n Your right foot?<\/p>\n\n\n\n [I don\u2019t know.]<\/p>\n\n\n\n #<\/p>\n\n\n\n #<\/p>\n\n\n\n #<\/p>\n\n\n\n [I feel heavy. I have to sit down.]<\/p>\n\n\n\n #<\/p>\n\n\n\n #<\/p>\n\n\n\n #<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cHow heavy?\u201d I ask.<\/p>\n\n\n\n {Like we\u2019re made out of concrete\u2026}<\/p>\n\n\n\n [Shit.]<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWhat do you mean shit<\/em>?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n [Get up. Check your wifi.]<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWhat? Why?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n [We got a Tony.<\/em>]<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cA what?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n [A Tony Mannero.<\/em> A teenage body hacker.]<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI\u2019m up. I\u2019m up.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n [Have you received any <\/em>suspicious emails?]<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI got a weird one from a funeral home. But my aunt wasn\u2019t\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n [Cutthe WiFi. Now.<\/em>]<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI can\u2019t move.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n [Shit.]<\/p>\n\n\n\n Ryder. I\u2019m offstage right.<\/p>\n\n\n\n [Shit, shit, shit. He\u2019s here.<\/em>]<\/p>\n\n\n\n #<\/p>\n\n\n\n #<\/p>\n\n\n\n #<\/p>\n\n\n\n {\u201cWe\u2019re Beelzebub\u2026\u201d}<\/p>\n\n\n\n Fuck you, Tony<\/em>!<\/p>\n\n\n\n {\u201cWe\u2019re Satan.\u201d}<\/p>\n\n\n\n [Let go of my limbs Tony.<\/em>]<\/p>\n\n\n\n {\u201cWe\u2019re going to lick the walls now.\u201d}<\/p>\n\n\n\n [Stop licking the walls Tony<\/em>.]<\/p>\n\n\n\n {\u201cMmmmmm taste the lead!\u201d}<\/p>\n\n\n\n [Raven, do you have any enemies?]<\/p>\n\n\n\n Like?<\/p>\n\n\n\n [I don\u2019t know. Friends, lovers, postal workers<\/em>?]<\/p>\n\n\n\n Maybe? Probably<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n {\u201cWe\u2019re gonna lick the toilet!\u201d}<\/p>\n\n\n\n Definitely <\/em>a teen.<\/p>\n\n\n\n {\u201cFuck you old lady! Your breath smells like shit\u201d}<\/p>\n\n\n\n [He\u2019s trying <\/em>to rattle us. We need to take back control.]<\/p>\n\n\n\n {\u201cYour body! My choice!\u201d}<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cYou suck Tony.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n [Metallica <\/em>as your fight song. Like I haven\u2019t heard that before.<\/em>]<\/p>\n\n\n\n {\u201cYou know that guitar\u2019s fire.\u201d}<\/p>\n\n\n\n Shouldn\u2019t your generation get its own anthem?<\/p>\n\n\n\n {\u201cWhatever.\u201d}<\/p>\n\n\n\n [Left leg forward.]<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI don\u2019t wanna lick the\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n [Help me <\/em>Raven. Grab the dresser.<\/em>]<\/p>\n\n\n\n Right leg forward.<\/p>\n\n\n\n [Left handddd\u2026.. Andddd\u2026 Punch knee.<\/em>]<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cUgghhhh.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n {Got your hand old man!}<\/p>\n\n\n\n {\u201cGonna strangle you!\u201d}<\/p>\n\n\n\n Gackkkkaackkkk<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Now what?<\/p>\n\n\n\n [Distract him. ]<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cListen Tony, let’s talk about your trauma\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n {\u201cTrauma is what we\u2019re going to do to you in the bathroom.\u201d}<\/p>\n\n\n\n {Left thrust.}<\/p>\n\n\n\n [Pull the table light\u2026]<\/p>\n\n\n\n {\u201cOw\u2026\u201d}<\/p>\n\n\n\n [They really do make those unbreakable.]<\/p>\n\n\n\n {\u201cGonna trip you bitch.\u201d}<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cOwww!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n [Fuck<\/em>, my knees.]<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cRyder!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n [Get the rig to the fridge.]<\/p>\n\n\n\n I drag the right side\u2026 You drag the left.<\/p>\n\n\n\n [Grab the ice bucket\u2026]<\/p>\n\n\n\n {\u201cGonna stick my fingers in your eyes\u2026\u201d}<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cAhhhhhhhh!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n [Crap<\/em>\u2026] We spilled it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cChange up.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Bite your fingers Tony.<\/p>\n\n\n\n {\u201cOwwwwww!\u201d}<\/p>\n\n\n\n You like that<\/em> Haptic feedback?<\/p>\n\n\n\n {\u201cChoke you bitch!\u201d}<\/p>\n\n\n\n Throw our body to the ground.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Ow.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cNot so much fun now you Gen Z parasite!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n [I\u2019m weezing.]<\/p>\n\n\n\n {\u201cYou\u2019re in bad shape, old man.\u201d}<\/p>\n\n\n\n [Raven, my feedback loop is messed up<\/em>. I gotta reboot.]<\/p>\n\n\n\n I stare back at my broken body wearing those stupid goggles.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cRyder, swim over to itchy island\u201d I say.<\/p>\n\n\n\n My eyes snap open. He\u2019s in my body.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I can feel her DX13. I\u2019m a passenger. The tiny spider legs lift her broken body up and carry me over to the muscle relaxant. I grab the needle\u2026<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n My body is throwing stuff<\/em> at me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n {\u201cOkay, Okay, Okay\u2026 Okay!!!\u201d}<\/p>\n\n\n\n I make Jessica stab myself in the leg. The plunger injects the drug.<\/p>\n\n\n\n My body collapses.<\/p>\n\n\n\n We laugh.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cMy cardio ain\u2019t what it used to be<\/em>,\u201d Jessica says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n {\u201cYou think this is funny<\/em>?\u201d}<\/p>\n\n\n\n Yes. It\u2019s hilarious.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cNow, we\u2019re all paralyzed,\u201d I say.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Jessica can\u2019t stop laughing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n {\u201cI\u2019m going to slap that hyena out of you.\u201d}<\/p>\n\n\n\n Tony tries to slap Jessica.<\/p>\n\n\n\n But I catch his hand with the metal gripper.<\/p>\n\n\n\n {Ow.}<\/p>\n\n\n\n He tries to break free. I squeeze harder.<\/p>\n\n\n\n {We yelp.}<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cYou\u2019re pathetic. Where\u2019s your mother?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n {You are bitch.}<\/p>\n\n\n\n Nope. Not this body.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cTony, <\/em>seriously, can you just go?\u201d Jessica\u2019s body speaks.<\/p>\n\n\n\n {Good luck with your gimp leg Old Man.}<\/p>\n\n\n\n Why do this? Is your life so sad that you have to possess someone else\u2019s?<\/p>\n\n\n\n {\u201cMaybe, I just like hurting myself.\u201d}<\/p>\n\n\n\n Why strangers Tony?<\/p>\n\n\n\n {I don\u2019t know\u2026 I\u2019m bored\u2026}<\/p>\n\n\n\n It sucks to be online all the time doesn\u2019t it?<\/p>\n\n\n\n #<\/p>\n\n\n\n #<\/p>\n\n\n\n {I just live all the time in my head\u2026}<\/p>\n\n\n\n We get it Tony, we\u2019re\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWe\u2019relistening,\u201d our body mumbles.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cSiri play Ramp of Death<\/em>,\u201d I say.<\/p>\n\n\n\n {My mom works all the time\u2026}<\/p>\n\n\n\n Jessica\u2019s eyes blink.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cAnd there\u2019s no time to breathe,\u201d goes the song.<\/p>\n\n\n\n {\u201cThis is chill. For millennial muzik.\u201d}<\/p>\n\n\n\n Har Har.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cThe Jicks are underrated.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n [Raven, my feedback\u2019s restored. I think I can get the right leg working.]<\/p>\n\n\n\n Truce Tony?<\/p>\n\n\n\n We drag ourselves up the wall. We sway.<\/p>\n\n\n\n {\u201cThat feels nice.\u201d}<\/p>\n\n\n\n We shimmy against the wallpaper.<\/p>\n\n\n\n {\u201cPut on More Than a Woman.\u201d}<\/p>\n\n\n\n Didn\u2019t take you for a Bee Gees fan Tony.<\/p>\n\n\n\n {We like what we like.}<\/p>\n\n\n\n Even with the bad connection, I feel my big toe wiggle across the room.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Tap, tap, tap.<\/p>\n\n\n\n [\u201cLouder.\u201d]<\/p>\n\n\n\n Tap, Tap, tap.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cFeel it…\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n We drag ourselves across the wall.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cThis is the only way that we should fly\u2026\u201d The Bee Gees sing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n We try to bounce. It\u2019s more of a lurch.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWe can take forever just a minute at a time\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n We\u2019re flopping. We\u2019re losing control of the rig.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cMore than a woman<\/em>! More than a woman to me<\/em>!\u201d goes the chorus.<\/p>\n\n\n\n We\u2019re bouncing across the old wallpaper.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Our shoulders are flopping. We\u2019re tearing muscles.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The Owl timer goes off. \u201cHoo Hoo.\u201d Time\u2019s up.<\/p>\n\n\n\n {Wait! \u201cWhat?\u201d}<\/p>\n\n\n\n [I take control of my arms.]<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cBye Tony.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Our body slaps the WiFi receiver and severs the connection.<\/p>\n\n\n\n #<\/p>\n\n\n\n I\u2019m slumped in a heap. I blink.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Her gripper pulls off the stupid goggles.<\/p>\n\n\n\n We both regain focus, and stare at each other across the room.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWell, that was nuts…\u201d she says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n With her gripper she pours us two glasses of lemonade.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I remove my inputs. I struggle with my numb leg. My arms ache.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I click open Betsy, and pull out a form from corporate.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cPlease fill out the customer satisfaction survey,\u201d I say.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cNo one ever fills those out,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI know,\u201d I say.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I collapse on the bed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Jeremy is a writer whose work has been featured in print, TV and documentaries. He has won a Sloan Fellowship, the McGill Theater Prize and the Jubilee Prize. He is a graduate of McGill University and USC’s Peter Stark Producing program. For five years, Jeremy worked for Robert Downey Jr.’s production company as his head of research. As an independent producer, he was drawn to stories at the intersection of folk tales, high technology and human mortality. He was born and raised in Canada and now lives in NYC with his wife, their twin children and a calico cat.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" God, I\u2019m late. I\u2019m always late. Drycleaning. I wish. It\u2019s laundry. Gotta look good. Gotta…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":105,"featured_media":100043476,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[23,3292],"tags":[6,227,3297,3296],"class_list":["post-100043474","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-featured","category-fiction","tag-cyberpunk","tag-fiction","tag-poetry","tag-prose"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.neondystopia.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/100043474","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.neondystopia.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.neondystopia.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.neondystopia.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/105"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.neondystopia.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=100043474"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.neondystopia.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/100043474\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":100043478,"href":"https:\/\/www.neondystopia.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/100043474\/revisions\/100043478"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.neondystopia.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/100043476"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.neondystopia.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=100043474"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.neondystopia.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=100043474"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.neondystopia.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=100043474"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
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