{"id":100043460,"date":"2026-02-06T07:00:00","date_gmt":"2026-02-06T07:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.neondystopia.com\/?p=100043460"},"modified":"2026-02-06T01:13:29","modified_gmt":"2026-02-06T01:13:29","slug":"damnatio-memoriae-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.neondystopia.com\/?p=100043460","title":{"rendered":"Damnatio Memoriae"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

translated by Monica Louzon<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Just over a year ago today, I\u2019d been preparing for a D\u00eda de los Muertos party.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Tonight, however, the nighttime rain showered my long purple hair\u2014which carried the same mutation as the warrior heroine Giwargis\u2014and fell onto my new bionic eyes, making my cheap makeup flee my extremely realistic chrome eyelids and lashes. I was at the artisans\u2019 fair held at the foot of the Santa Luc\u00eda hill, searching for any wooden mask among the diverse booths, most of which had been recently closed. I\u2019d wanted to go to this year’s party in disguise, but I\u2019d had neither the time nor the energy to buy a costume just for going out with people I didn’t particularly like anymore.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Actually, I didn’t want to go to the party, but I should if I wanted to fit in with my former Lyceum schoolmates\u2019 new group of friends. I swallowed a pill full of endorphins and dopamine, then a red tablet called Corceles Rojos, which would augment my emotions\u2019 intensity. After that, another pill to make me hungry, and finally a vitamin-mineral complex for my dinner. I consumed them all while wearing my blue wool hat and big wings that responded to my emotions. The tablets left in my pillbox were for erasing memories. I was supposed to take them when I awoke or before I slept.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Something buzzed overhead: a T\u00edpula-58 Control drone\u2014standard on every block in the city center\u2014was scanning faces. As it flew between the spaces between the vertical hovercar rails toward the hologram of the Virgin Mary atop the hill, it contrasted with the reddish rain clouds above. I looked up, following it with my gaze, only for the rain to enter my round, metallic ocular prostheses and fall to my cheeks, tracing black tears down my face. The machine returned to its nest atop the Torre Entel a few blocks away, where hundreds of vigilant drones also nested among the hundreds of antennas and circular video screens, which always displayed the date, time, and temperature.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Almost every booth sold touristy souvenirs, many of them made from low-quality bioceramic materials. There were also chrome fabric pants and leather goods. Neon letters announced the shops\u2019 names. Some of the storefronts hosted small holosculptures reciting the day\u2019s discounts, while others posted their prices on black chalkboards striped with chalk. In one shop, they were even selling real photographs printed on paper. I didn’t recognize any iconic places, but that was probably a side effect of the forgetting pills I’d taken earlier.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I found the shop I was searching for: it sold different types of carved wooden masks. Among them, I spotted some Mapuche kollones, which were used in tribal ceremonies where one pretended to be someone else; some Mwana Pwo, which represented the ideal African woman; and some Ko-omote masks smiling kindly, which were normally found in Japanese Noh theaters.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I didn’t like any of them. They were expensive. Purchasing one would cost me as many credits as two weeks\u2019 rent on a sleep pod in the megatowers behind me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Without realizing it, I found myself staring at a Kwakwaka’wakw transformation mask with the smiling face of an eagle with its mouth half open and a human face crying out in pain peeking out of its beak.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“All of these masks are on sale,” the android vendor told me. It rested its white hand on the one that had caught my eye. “If you buy one within the next three hundred seconds, I’ll give you an extra three percent discount.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I left.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I didn’t want to spend so much on real wood, not when I could just print something later. If I arrived at the party late, when everyone was already drunk, perhaps they wouldn’t notice the low quality of my constume\u2014if I even decided to go at all. I’d wasted the credits I spent to enter the market without buying anything, but it wouldn’t be the first\u2014or last\u2014time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I walked along the liberator Adelaida Giwargis \u201cpoplar grove\u2019s\u201d supra-avenue and descended into the metro, where various soldiers patrolled with their robot dogs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I considered taking the metro toward the port so I could sit and stare at the new ziggurat, which had become my habit over the past month and a half, but I was tired. Besides, protests against the government were growing more frequent and more violent, especially at the port near the sunken buildings and neighboring destroyed marine wall.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I donned my hat, and its lines of light changed until they were white, reflecting my emotions. I verified my wallet was still tucked under my arm, then continued downward into the metro\u2019s depths.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I swallowed a pill to shorten the duration of my trip.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

#<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Before I knew it, I\u2019d arrived home. I was alone. The lights were off. Not even my holocat was on, which was good, because I didn’t feel like paying attention to it anyway. I don’t remember how I managed to install it and program it in the first place, since I didn’t know how to connect the cables or create smart home functions, much less correct the errors of a pseudo-pet.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The digital photos on the wall along the staircase were off, too\u2014erased by me, obviously, even if I couldn\u2019t remember doing so. Their frames didn’t even have default photos of flowers or mountains: just blank, electronic ink screens, some of which were cracked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When I went into the bathroom, the light turned on automatically and blinded me for a few seconds before I could manually adjust the iris aperture in my new eyes, using a magnetic screwdriver along my temple for the task. I opened the cabinet and pulled out a dreaming pill, a sleeping pill, and one norepinephrine inhibitor. I also grabbed a Lethe pill for forgetting.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The holocat meowed, startling me and making me drop my pillbox. I collected them and badly organized them. I couldn’t even take my medications properly. I stayed sitting on the floor for a bit, unable to sort them as the bathroom light moved slowly, elongating the shadows.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The feline hologram approached my legs. It had probably been activated by the bathroom light. I called out the command to turn it off, then swallowed the pills\u2014in the wrong order.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In my confusion, instead of taking a Lethe tablet first, I took a Corcel Azul, which amplifies your imagination and takes you far, far away from consciousness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I managed to stash the pill case in the bathroom before I slept.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I began to dream before I fell asleep: the first floor flooded, turning into an ocean with dolphins bursting from its surface, and as the cold water climbed, it soaked me, so I climbed, too, guided by Chilean toninas up the stairs to the second floor. Then, the whole house disappeared except for the staircase, and far off in the distance, I saw a sea turtle emerge from a big Japanese castle. Along the stairs were pictures of me standing next to a blurry figure: in front of a lake, on a hill covered with yellow flowers, on a beach\u2014all next to a ghost, a creature made of noise.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I thought I was drowning, but then blue dolphins carried me far, far away.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

#<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The smart home’s voice roused me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Today is the D\u00eda de los Muertos! Today\u2019s high will be fifteen degrees Celsius, with a chance of rain.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I didn’t even know how I’d managed to lay down in the bed and sleep on my side last night. I looked at my nightstand, searching for a coffee-colored tablet: NeoCafe\u00edna. The name was laser-etched into its side next to a flower. I bit into the pill. Its bitter juice jolted me awake immediately.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In the kitchen, next to the fridge, I pushed the button for cat food. The holocat wandered across the walls like a ghost. There was a small glitch, and it started running over and over again toward its plate, like d\u00e9j\u00e0 vu.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

With some effort, I brought out my makeup-artist-in-a-box and placed it on the dining room table. A few seconds after I sat down in front of it, it had already cleaned my face, applied foundation, and painted my lips with red and white lines. Then, it started on chromatic tints for my eyes, but I\u2019d forgotten to press the option for ocular implants\u2014I still wasn’t used to them\u2014and the machine broke its brushes on them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Frightened, I manually cleaned my mechanical eyes as best I could and unplugged the makeup artist. I didn’t have time to fix the brush problem, because I was already running late.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I selected one of the many jackets I kept hanging behind the door: a men\u2019s leather jacket. The house warned me that it wasn’t the best choice with today’s weather forecast. The jacket I\u2019d picked was thicker and provided more shelter than my work blazer, so I stuffed the blazer into one of its pockets and placed a wide-brimmed hat with lights on my head and departed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My fingers brushed against a metallic box in one of the jacket\u2019s pockets, but I ignored it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

#<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My commute led me through the city center on foot, surrounded by video screens, names of businesses drawn in neon, and holographic ads. I would arrive on time despite my late departure! I was overjoyed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In my haste on that cold October morning, I’d forgotten my pillbox, because it hadn\u2019t been in its usual spot next to my keys in a box beside the door. I’d even forgotten to take the Lethe pills before I\u2019d left home. At first, my mistake didn’t bother me, but little by little, I began to feel how emotions assembled themselves around my edges, like little shadows hovering in the corners of my digital vision.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I paid two credits to use the building\u2019s lift. When I reached my floor, I paid another credit so I could enter the office, which looked like a low-end caf\u00e9.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The lobby was full of office workers, which, when combined with the hour, meant the lift pricing for access to my actual office area surged slightly. While I waited my turn, one of the managers arrived in a hurry and paid for a premium pass. A lift immediately arrived to carry him directly to his floor\u2014much to the annoyance of the rest of us, although no one would say so aloud.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In the end, I arrived late. They docked fifteen minutes of my pay, even though they still hadn’t paid me for the overtime I\u2019d worked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

#<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Before my coworkers saw me, I hurried to the bathroom, where I donned high heels, adjusted the white lines on my lips, and adjusted my skirt and blazer. Threads of light ran along my blazer’s hem, changing color with my emotions. They usually shone white, but I noticed a hint of light blue on the sleeves in keeping with the current fad. I didn’t want to attract attention by dressing too differently.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I greeted everyone with two kisses on the cheeks and gave my female friends tight hugs, although those didn’t come naturally to me. I smiled and sat down at my station.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

An android with the body of a large, strong man who dressed in elegant clothes brought me a Neocaf\u00e9 with milk from a real cow. Out of habit, I looked for my pillbox so that I could be hungry, but it wasn’t there. I set the coffee on a counter.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When the robot began walking back toward the kitchen, one of my coworkers stopped it to slip a skull mask over its head. Meanwhile, some of my other coworkers tasked themselves with hanging decorations up around the office: jack-o-lanterns with lights inside, robotic spiders that wove real webs, and an assortment of ghost holograms.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My boss Andrina appeared, accompanied by a young, dapper male executive. Andrina was a tall, svelte woman with long platinum hair, and the man beside her was even taller, skinnier, and paler than she. He had unusually long arms and an exoskeleton that was almost invisible beneath the cloth jacket and trousers he wore. Probably a second-generation space man.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He looked at me with his big eyes and smiled. Perhaps some other time, I would have felt nervous or flirty, but today, I was neither.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“…the Earth opened up and Persephone returned from the Underworld with the monsters and demons that wander the land on D\u00eda de los Muertos,\u201d my boss was explaining, \u201cChildren are supposed to give them candy.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Oh, yes. We also celebrate the Eve of Thesmophoria,\u201d the man replied with a distinct space accent. \u201cThe western stations celebrate the same holidays.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“There are gatherings today in the common cemetery, and there’ll be a big party later. I have three ex-spouses: two are dead, but I didn’t want to talk to them when they were alive. That hasn’t changed now that they’re dead.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“I’m sorry to hear that.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Do you also celebrate Sol Invictus?\u201d Andrina didn\u2019t wait for a response. \u201cOoooh, you should come with me to see Santa Danzante, the dancing saint! They say that today she Broke-Reality and the town is teaming up for an improvised carnaval.” She swallowed a fistful of pills, then offered some to her companion, but her charity was in vain. Andrina escorted him to a meeting room, which automatically opaqued its glass walls when they entered.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A friendly middle-aged female coworker approached me: Se\u00f1ora M\u00f3nica.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“I know it’s hard, hija. This happens to us all,” she told me cryptically, then left.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A few minutes later, she returned with some chamomile tea. After years of working together, she knew when I felt well, bad, or worse \u2014 even when I myself wasn\u2019t aware. She left the tea next to my keyboard, then placed a knitted wool shawl around my shoulders.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Thank you.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Don’t worry, hija. Not a year goes by when I don’t think about my son. He died in the war,” she said. “Helping makes me feel good. Useful.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I took her worn hand and squeezed it lovingly, smiling. She returned the gesture.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“That must be so hard on you,” I said, sipping the tea.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“You know it is. But I remember him every day. I still send him messages. When I call his phone and he doesn’t answer, I still find myself assuming that he’s busy like always. He never had time for me, you know. My pain reminds me of my love for him. I don’t want to go to the cemetery and talk to his mimic. That thing isn\u2019t him, although I\u2019m almost grateful to interact with a digital copy. I hope you don’t end up like that,” she said, clearly struggling. “I wish I’d never let him go.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Everything will be okay, eventually,\u201d I replied. \u201cSomeone told me that once. I like to believe it.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“The memory of love is stronger than any pain leading to oblivion. The pain reminds us that the love was important.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She fell silent, trying not to cry, then wiped a tear from her cheek and returned to her office.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The masculine android walked between stations, looking for something to do. It saw my empty teacup and placed it on a tray that, until that moment, had been hidden in its back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Thank you,” I said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“You\u2019re welcome. It\u2019s my pleasure to help you.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I examined it. The realistic skull mask, when combined with its elegant suit and bow tie, gave it a dark air. Normally, the android didn’t have a face, no eyes for crying or mouth for shouting. Now, the human cranium stretched over its blank face, seeming to speak without moving its mouth.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Is it, though? A pleasure to serve me?” I asked. “Does your job make you happy?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Of course. That\u2019s correct. I was created to serve.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“You’re a liar.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The robot calculated its response for a second. “Of course. That\u2019s correct. I was created to lie so that humans might be happy. My programming does not permit me to have any emotions of my own, but humans don\u2019t seem to need me to appear very human. It\u2019s a Catch-22, because I must always possess positive sentiments. And yet, so many users have declared their desire for me to have a bad day that Prod\u00fcce is considering creating an update that will introduce negative emotions \u2014 but only in a minimal and superficial way that will remain socially acceptable.” With that, the android continued on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I checked my mail and found a government survey from the Regulatory Reality Department. They wanted to know my age, if I had children, if I was single. I was uninterested, but I completed it. Then, I resumed asking the computer to change the camera angle for the ad spot on new tractor models.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

#<\/p>\n\n\n\n

At lunchtime, my coworkers invited me to join them. I\u2019d just wanted to be alone, but I acquiesced, smiling even though Se\u00f1ora Monica wasn’t with us. She was the only person in the entire company who was actually nice to me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A server deposited a Caesar salad before me and I grinned. When he left, everyone congratulated me on flirting with him as the lights bordering their clothes took on an envy-green hue.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“I suppose you’re still not ready to start dating again?” asked the secretary, but she didn\u2019t wait for my response. My coworkers’ chatter melted into white noise, a deafening void that made me want to scream as my chair seemed to grow larger, swallowing me as the table lengthened. I had no appetite, so I didn’t eat. I was drowning in all the fake smiles and superficial conversations.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Amanda, why aren’t you eating? Aren’t you hungry?” asked Andrina in her smooth contralto voice.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I shook my head.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Clearly, you forgot your hunger pills today. Here you go: one to make you want to eat, and another that will make your appetite go away. My nutritionist designed them.” She placed the two pills on the table in front of me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Thanks. Why are they custom-made?” I asked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“My system is so used to taking supplements that I’ve lost the neurotransmitters for feeling normal hunger. Without these, I’d never eat. I’d die of hunger like our last manager.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“The one you replaced?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Yes. Officially, she retired, but she\u2019d been working remotely ever since the war started. She did that for three years and a quarter, until the conflict ended. She refused to return to the office, and she didn’t want to eat anymore. Her cat apparently devoured what little skin was left on her face.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“I hope that doesn’t happen to Monica,” the secretary said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Ugh, she’s always so dramatic. Always talking about her son who died in the war. I lost my third spouse in that same war, and my uncle in the first War of the Metals. She should forget about him and move on. We all lose someone at some point.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Everyone but me laughed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Hey, can you imagine someone forgetting their calming pills? I don’t know how I’d be able to take such a useless meeting and fill out lines and dates in a planner,” she continued.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I lost myself, gazing into my cup of water.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For a second, it seemed like the surface of the water was a stormy sea and I was sailing a wooden sailboat on it that had just shipwrecked from all the wind and rain.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

#<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Andrina interrupted me later, when I was staring out the window, feeling how pain slowly reached me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Amanda, I told you you have to present the automatic tractor sales for this trimester,” she said with a fake smile.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Oh, right. Thanks. I’m coming,” I said, but she was already gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I opened a drawer, looking for my notes. I found two passes to see the aerostatic balloon festival on La Isla to celebrate Sol Invictus at the end of December. Both tickets were torn.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

#<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In the meeting room, Andrina had already placed a calming tab on the table for me. Habit made me cut it precisely in half while she tried to connect the holoprojector.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As I pulled up my presentation, several executives arrived by jetpack and landed outside the room\u2019s gigantic window on the terrace. It wasn’t raining anymore, and I could see the distant hills and snowy mountains while tiuques and sparrows flew between the massive towers.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Mart\u00edn quit,” Andrina announced.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Why?” I didn\u2019t look at her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“They offered him Executive Manager over the new submarine division for harvesting seafood at Prod\u00fcce. He told me that they want to use personal data from local fisherfolk to influence their purchases of fishing drones.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Prod\u00fcce makes underwater drones now, too? Since when?” asked one of the executives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“They acquired Locustus for their drones first, and then another business that makes biomimetic submarines that mimic crab-whales.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“The kunijiras that were genetically modified?” asked another executive.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“The very same. Prod\u00fcce has more drones now than there were during the second War of the Metals.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“I feel like I know someone who used to work there\u2026 Anyway, that seems like the same technique we use to sell our tractors. Se\u00f1ora M\u00f3nica, did you give them your idea?” I was still focused on connecting cables as I spoke.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“She’s not here. They just fired her,\u201d my boss said. \u201cProd\u00fcce gave us a bonus for her idea and then forced us to let her go. The best part is that we’ll be able to duplicate our technomarket budget for next year.\u201d Laughter filled the room.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“We’ll have the best ad campaign and publicity… until they decide to buy us out for our harvest machines. They already have the monopoly on tons of seeds,” I said, forgetting where I was. I heard several nervous chuckles behind me, followed by an uncomfortable silence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When I finally finished connecting the cables and pulled up the presentation, I took a deep breath. I feigned a big smile, straightened my chrome skirt, and placed my intracutaneous chip over the projector\u2019s reader to pay the usage fee. I turned around. The windows went opaque and the lights turned off, except for a spotlight centered on me. Several holograms of yellow tractors with mechanical feet appeared on the table at the center of the room.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I started my presentation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

#<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As the afternoon progressed, the sky grew even more overcast. The window next to my station displayed the weather in real-time, including all the air pressure, temperature, humidity, and wind direction data. The air conditioner raised the ambient temperature<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I still had to go to the D\u00eda de los Muertos party and fit in, because I wouldn’t anywhere else. I already barely saw my former friends. There were new people in their group, and many friends had become hikikomoris.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each time I saw them, I felt more distant and disconnected from my former schoolmates. My best friend had been chosen to board an Arca Generacional and help found a new colony. The strongest students had won invitations to go live on La Isla, where they could dedicate themselves to the arts and sciences without having to worry about paying bills ever again. Almost all of my university classmates now worked on geosynchronous space stations, many of them working for Skorpius or even Prod\u00fcce. Meanwhile, I was still working at a medium-sized corporation. At university, I never had the time for close friends, so my current coworkers and former schoolmates were the only ones I had left.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Anxious, I tasked myself with searching the intranet for local costume shops. Instead of purchasing what I had originally searched for, I ended up buying a neural crown for stopping nightmares\u2014although I couldn’t afford the premium version, which came with fewer oneiric ads.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The air conditioner must have raised the temperature, detecting it growing colder outside, and I was getting too warm. I took off the wool shawl Se\u00f1ora M\u00f3nica had lent me that morning. I went to her station to return it, but her workspace was empty.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I’d forgotten that she\u2019d been fired.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Discouraged, I returned to my own station and stored it in one of the drawers with broken rails.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The D\u00eda de los Muertos party was in just a few hours, and I still didn’t have a costume.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Perhaps I could arrive fashionably late, after everyone had the chance to grow inebriated. Even if no one noticed my presence, at least then I could say I’d been there.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I opened the Gatcha app and bought several envelopes, trying to win images to add to my collection. I got a rare this time. There were a lot of people who’d pay a lot of credits for this one, but I didn’t want to let something special go only to regret it later.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I bought a chromatic dress and shoes on sale as Andrina downed a cupful of pills before she headed into another meeting.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

#<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I walked through the rain without any music active in my auditory implants. I moved out of obligation, dragging my feet with that ancient, profound sadness of unknown origin. Lost between the tall crystalline towers, alone, I entered an ever-denser jumble of people.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Strangely, I didn’t want this to end. I wanted to feel it all\u2014for the first time in quite a long time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Kwakwaka’wakw mask, which was more like a helmet than a mask, rested in the cloth bag I carried.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I listened for Santa Danzante’s carnaval and spotted her from afar: a young barefoot woman in a white dress, dancing in the middle of the street while a multitude of followers protected her from those trying to attack her. She was deep in a trance, with her mind in another dimension. She was one of the few who’d reached a better place on her trip, courtesy of two pills: Nostalgika and Fascina.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I could have been her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I shoved my hand into the inner pocket of my leather jacket for the first time. I discovered a transparent container containing thousands of chrome icosahedrons that reflected the light, splitting it into reflective rainbows.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Just one of these pills commanded a price equivalent to six months of my salary. I didn’t know how it ended up with me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Nooztalgika<\/em>, the container said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Noztalgika. The drug that could carry me deep into my past that never was, or into a future that I’d never see\u2014according to the words etched into the little container.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A couple was watching the procession, hand-in-hand. Without knowing why, the sight made me profoundly sad and I began to weep.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The festive parade sounded in the distance, while Santa Danzante danced. She was beautiful and terrifying.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And free.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

#<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The effects of all my pills were still wearing off. Little by little, my hunger returned. So too did my anxiety, my unfounded sadness, and the constant urge to cry. I wanted to scream, to laugh, to jump for joy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I sat in the lobby of my ex schoolmate\u2019s building for over an hour, which felt like an eternity, debating whether to go up or not. Perhaps it was time to let my old friends go forever, to be alone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When I finally entered the party, nobody noticed me even though the lights came on and the rhythmic music stopped. Everyone was wearing disguises except for me. I was wearing the chromatic dress over my black underclothes, all under my men’s leather jacket.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I grabbed a bottle of pisco and poured some into a plastic cup, then added a bit of Sorbete Letelier. I preferred the drink’s cherry flavor to that of the Coca-Cola\u2014or, failing that, a Pepsi Crystal\u2014traditionally required to make a Piscola.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

#<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The rain washed the cheap dye from my hair, leaving traces of color as the black rinsed away, and wiped away my makeup, leaving my face bare and naked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The effects of my last forgetting pill had stopped.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I could remember our life together. After all these years of silencing my memories, there were only disconnected scenes of love and pain.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even so, I could feel again, and everything felt like an exposed nerve, all at once. I’d spent so much time ignoring my feelings that now they hit me with greater intensity \u2014 but they weren’t burying me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As everyone danced inside the home-office, I cried and screamed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I let the rain bathe me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I remembered how you said goodbye to me in the spaceport, with handcuffs on your hands and feet. You fled the guards and dashed toward me, but I hadn’t wanted to see you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Remember me, <\/em>you’d shouted as the guards pummeled your ribs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You’d fallen to your knees, your long hair covering the face that I couldn’t remember anymore.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Remember me when you’re in the universal silence of space. And if you forget me for a while, and then remember me, don’t be sad. It’s better to forget and smile than to remember and be sad.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then, they carried you off to the penal space station Yakrah, where you never arrived. The Mirada Alegre<\/em>, the spaceship that carried prisoners to Yakrah, was destroyed en route.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It’s too late now. I’ll never see you again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Like Hades, you were waiting for me in the land of the dead and oblivion, but like Persephone, I’d returned to the surface without looking back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When I used the Lethe pills to forget you, you died for a second time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Everyone inside was still dancing, oblivious to me standing outside. I realized that they didn’t wear masks just for the holiday: they always wore them, every day, repressing their emotions with chemicals. My female coworkers wore expensive makeup to impress other women, casting their very selves aside to fit in.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You’d been the one who thought you’d spend the rest of your days in profound solitude and horrible cells, but it was I who ended up trapped in the land of melancholy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Trembling from the wet cold, I tucked my hands into your leather jacket’s pockets, finding one of my calming pills next to a silver coin.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Damnatio memoriae<\/em>. Condemnation of memory: they erased your identity, forced everyone to forget you, but a love as deep as ours always leaves a trail.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I tossed the calming pill away, toward the street ninety floors below. A drone watched it fall, following the pill’s trajectory with its camera.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I wanted to keep crying in the rain, but my eyes had no tears left.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I should have lived through my pain back then. I should have tried to recover your memory, but that would have entailed feeling more pain than I could handle at the time. Perhaps there were stronger people out there, people more used to feeling, who could have.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But now, I was one of them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Looking at the metallic container with the pills inside, I considered how expensive Noztalgika was, about how I’d never be able to pay for it, then I remembered I hadn’t. You’d stolen it for me, before you left me to spend the rest of your life on Mars.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

#<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A year ago, you’d arrived at nightfall, wounded and exhausted. You’d given me a box with both hands, placed it carefully in my palms, as if it were a recently hatched bird.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“If I’m going to lose you forever, perhaps instead of forgetting me, you could live with me in an alternate dimension. A perfect reality where we’re together forever.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“How did you manage it?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“I used my company’s drones. Locustus makes the best drones there are,” you’d told me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A week later, they’d trapped you before you could take the spaceship to the underground colonies on Mars.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Two weeks after that, I’d said goodbye to you in the spaceport, and then they’d carried you off toward the penal station Yakrah.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

#<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It was much later, still the evening of D\u00eda de los Muertos, when it stopped raining and the voices inside fell silent. Everyone was asleep, drunk, and exhausted after celebrating the day of the dead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I was still awake. In one hand, I held a Lethe pill for forgetting. In the other, I held a Noztalgika. I could live with you forever, in that future that would never happen\u2014the one I’d missed so much despite never even knowing it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The memory of your voice coils in my head: Everything will be okay \u2014 eventually.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/em>You always used to say that. Until this very moment, I’d never believed you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I didn’t take either pill. For the first time in a long time, I decided to feel your departure.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\n\n\n

I. A. Galdames<\/strong>, Chilean science fiction writer born in 1987. He is a self taught web developer and yesterday’s jam. His short stories have been published in the anthology Neon Dreams and Nightmares, Anapoyesis Magazine, Espejo Humeante magazine, Penumbria magazine, Axioma magazine, Iguales magazine and Teor\u00eda Omicr\u00f3n.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

His writings are mostly science fiction, exploring loneliness, isolation, time perception and existentialism, with expressionist inspirations, cyberpunk and neo-noir. He has published two books: Corceles Azules and Corceles Rojos, two fix-up cyberpunk anthologies. He can be found at: http:\/\/ignaciogaldames.com<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Monica Louzon<\/strong> (she\/her) is a queer USian writer, translator, and editor from Maryland. Her fictions have appeared in Archive of the Odd,\u00a0Paranoid Tree, Shoreline of Infinity,\u00a0and others. Her story “9 Dystopias” was a Best Microfiction 2023 winner. To learn more about Monica and her work, please visit https:\/\/linktr.ee\/molowrites<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\n\n\n

Damnatio Memoriae<\/strong><\/strong><\/h1>\n\n\n\n

Hace un poco m\u00e1s de un a\u00f1o me preparaba para la fiesta del d\u00eda de los muertos.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

La lluvia nocturna ca\u00eda por mi largo cabello morado, con la misma mutaci\u00f3n que la hero\u00edna de guerra Giwargis, hasta mis nuevos ojos bi\u00f3nicos, corriendo mi maquillaje barato alrededor de estos, con pesta\u00f1as y p\u00e1rpados extremadamente realistas para estar hechos de metal cromado, mientras buscaba una m\u00e1scara de madera en los diversos puestos de la feria artesanal frente al cerro Santa Luc\u00eda. Quer\u00eda ir a la fiesta disfrazada, pero no hab\u00eda tenido tiempo ni \u00e1nimo de comprar un traje para ir con gente que no me ca\u00eda bien, pero la mayor\u00eda de las tiendas cerraban. M\u00e1s bien, no quer\u00eda, pero deb\u00eda ir, si quer\u00eda encajar en el nuevo grupo de amigos de mis ex compa\u00f1eros de Lyceum. Tragu\u00e9 una pastilla con endorfinas y dopaminas, junto a una p\u00edldora roja, llamada Corceles Rojos, para aumentar la intensidad de las emociones, una pastilla para tener hambre y luego un compilado de vitaminas y minerales como cena, mientras sosten\u00eda mi sombrero de lana azul, de grandes alas con luces que respond\u00edan a mis emociones en su contorno. En mi pastillero quedaron las que borran la memoria, porque deb\u00eda tomarlas al despertar y al dormir.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Escuch\u00e9 un zumbido sobre mi cabeza. Un dron T\u00edpula-58 de Control, est\u00e1ndar en cada bloque del centro de la ciudad, escaneaba los rostros, en contraste a las nubes rojizas de lluvia. Vol\u00f3 hacia el holograma de la Virgen Mar\u00eda en la cima del cerro, entre el espacio que hab\u00eda entre cada carril vertical de sobreautos. Por mirarlo, la lluvia entr\u00f3 en mis pr\u00f3tesis oculares, redondas y met\u00e1licas, y corri\u00f3 desde ellos hasta mis mejillas, dibujando l\u00e1grimas negras sobre mi rostro. La m\u00e1quina volvi\u00f3 a su nido en la alta Torre Entel, a pocos bloques de distancia, d\u00f3nde los cientos de drones de vigilancia ten\u00edan sus nidos, entre las cientos de antenas y la pantalla de video circular, que mostraba la fecha, la hora y la temperatura.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Casi todos los puestos vend\u00edan souvenirs tur\u00edsticos, gran parte de ellos hechos con biocer\u00e1micas de mala calidad, pantalones de tela cromada y artesan\u00eda en cuero. Los nombres de las tiendas estaban anunciados con letras de ne\u00f3n. Algunos ten\u00edan peque\u00f1as holoesculturas anunciando los descuentos y otros ten\u00edan los precios en pizarras negras rayadas con tiza.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

En una tienda vend\u00edan fotograf\u00edas reales, impresas en papel. No reconoc\u00ed ning\u00fan lugar ic\u00f3nico, un probable efecto secundario de las pastillas para olvidar.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Encontr\u00e9 la tienda que buscaba. Ten\u00edan diferentes tipos de m\u00e1scaras talladas en madera. Ten\u00edan algunos Kollones Mapuches, usado en ceremonias tribales donde sol\u00edan fingir ser otro; Mwana Pwo africanas, que representaban a la mujer ideal y m\u00e1scaras japonesas Ko-omote del teatro japon\u00e9s Noh, sonriendo amablemente. Ninguna me gust\u00f3. Adem\u00e1s estaban caras. Cada una costaba el equivalente en cr\u00e9ditos a dos semanas de arriendo por un pod de sue\u00f1o en las megatorres a mi espalda.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Me qued\u00e9 mirando con atenci\u00f3n una m\u00e1scara de transformaci\u00f3n Kwakwaka’wakw. Era un rostro sonriente de \u00e1guila abierto por la mitad y detr\u00e1s de este, un rostro humano gritando en agon\u00eda.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2014Todas las m\u00e1scaras est\u00e1n con descuento. Si compra en los pr\u00f3ximos trescientos segundos, le a\u00f1adir\u00e9 un tres por ciento de descuento. \u2014me dijo el androide vendedor, posando su mano blanca sobre esta.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Me fui. No quise gastar tanto en madera real, cuando podr\u00eda imprimir algo. Si llegaba tarde, cuando todos estuviesen ebrios, quiz\u00e1s no notar\u00edan que mi disfraz era de mala calidad, si es que decid\u00eda ir. Desperdici\u00e9 los cr\u00e9ditos que pagu\u00e9 por entrar y no comprar, pero no ser\u00eda ni la primera ni la \u00faltima vez.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Camin\u00e9 por el costado de la Supra-avenida, la Alameda de la libertadora Adelaida Giwargis. Baj\u00e9 hasta el metro, d\u00f3nde varios soldados caminaban junto a sus perros robots.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Pens\u00e9 en tomar el metro hacia el puerto y sentarme a mirar el nuevo Zigurat, como era costumbre en el \u00faltimo mes y medio, pero estaba cansada. Adem\u00e1s, las protestas contra el gobierno eran cada vez m\u00e1s frecuentes y m\u00e1s violentas, sobre todo en el puerto, cerca de los edificios hundidos junto al antiguo muro marino destruido.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Me coloqu\u00e9 el sombrero, cuyas l\u00edneas de luz cambiaron a color blanco, para reflejar mis emociones, afirm\u00e9 mi cartera bajo mi brazo y descend\u00ed hacia las profundidades del metro.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Tom\u00e9 una pastilla para acortar el tiempo de viaje.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

#<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Casi sin darme cuenta, llegu\u00e9 a casa, sola. Las luces estaban apagadas en la silenciosa habitaci\u00f3n. Ni siquiera mi hologato estaba encendido. No quer\u00eda ponerle atenci\u00f3n. Yo no sab\u00eda c\u00f3mo conectar los cables, ni crear las funciones del hogar inteligente y mucho menos corregir los errores de la seudomascota. No recuerdo c\u00f3mo consegu\u00ed instalarla y programarla en primer lugar.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Las fotograf\u00edas digitales en el muro de la escalera hab\u00edan sido borradas. Obviamente por m\u00ed, aunque no lo recordara. Ni siquiera ten\u00edan las fotograf\u00edas de flores y monta\u00f1as por defecto. Solo eran pantallas blancas de tinta electr\u00f3nica, algunas de ellas trizadas.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Fui al ba\u00f1o y la luz se encendi\u00f3 autom\u00e1ticamente, ceg\u00e1ndome por unos segundos, antes de que yo ajustara manualmente la apertura de los iris en mis nuevos ojos usando un destornillador magn\u00e9tico junto a mi sien. Abr\u00ed el mueble y saqu\u00e9 una pastilla para so\u00f1ar, otra para dormir y un inhibidor de norepinefrina, adem\u00e1s de una Lethe para olvidar. El gato maull\u00f3 y me asust\u00f3. Dej\u00e9 caer la caja con pastillas.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Era una est\u00fapida que ni siquiera pod\u00eda tomar sus medicamentos bien. Las recog\u00ed y organic\u00e9, pero lo hice mal. Me qued\u00e9 sentada en el suelo por un instante, incapaz de recogerlas. La luz del ba\u00f1o se mov\u00eda lentamente, alargando las sombras.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

El holograma del felino se acerc\u00f3 a mis piernas, probablemente activado por la luz del ba\u00f1o. Grit\u00e9 el comando para apagarlo de nuevo y tragu\u00e9 las pastillas, pero en el orden equivocado y en vez de tragar una Lethe, la confund\u00ed con un Corcel Azul, que ampl\u00eda la imaginaci\u00f3n y lleva lejos, muy lejos en la conciencia.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Guard\u00e9 el pastillero en el ba\u00f1o y no junto a la puerta.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Comenc\u00e9 a so\u00f1ar antes de dormir, imaginando como el primer piso se inundaba y convert\u00eda en un mar y varios delfines sal\u00edan a la superficie. El nivel del agua fr\u00eda sub\u00eda, ahog\u00e1ndome, as\u00ed que sub\u00ed las escaleras hacia el segundo piso, guiada por Toninas chilenas.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Toda la casa despareci\u00f3, con excepci\u00f3n de la escalera. Lejos en la distancia vi un gran castillo japon\u00e9s desde donde una tortuga marina se alejaba.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

En las escaleras hab\u00edan fotos m\u00edas junto a una figura borrosa. Estaba frente a un lago, junto a esa forma borrosa, en un cerro lleno de flores amarillas, junto a un fantasma y en una playa, junto a una criatura hecha de ruido.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sent\u00eda c\u00f3mo me ahogaba, pero los delfines azules me llevaron lejos, muy lejos.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

#<\/p>\n\n\n\n

La voz de la casa me despert\u00f3.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2014Hoy es el d\u00eda de los muertos. Se espera una m\u00e1xima de quince grados celsius y lluvia parcial.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ni siquiera supe c\u00f3mo me acost\u00e9 y me dorm\u00ed en mi lado de la cama. Busqu\u00e9 en mi velador un comprimido de color caf\u00e9. NeoCafe\u00edna V, dec\u00eda en su costado junto a un grabado l\u00e1ser de una flor. La mord\u00ed y su jugo amargo me despert\u00f3 de inmediato.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

En la cocina, junto al refrigerador, presion\u00e9 el bot\u00f3n de comida de gato y este atraves\u00f3 los muros, como un fantasma. Hubo un peque\u00f1o glitch y este volvi\u00f3 a correr hacia su plato, como un deja v\u00fc.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Con dificultad saqu\u00e9 la caja con mi maquilladora y la coloqu\u00e9 sobre la mesa del comedor. Me sent\u00e9 frente a esta y en pocos segundos me limpi\u00f3 el rostro, aplic\u00f3 la base y me pint\u00f3 los labios, con rojo y l\u00edneas blancas y luego los ojos, con tintes cromados, pero olvid\u00e9 presionar la opci\u00f3n para implantes oculares, a\u00fan sin acostumbrarme a tenerlos y la m\u00e1quina rompi\u00f3 sus pinceles.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Asustada, limpi\u00e9 mis ojos mec\u00e1nicos c\u00f3mo pude y desenchuf\u00e9 la maquilladora. Ya iba atrasada y no ten\u00eda tiempo para solucionar ese problema.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Detr\u00e1s de la puerta ten\u00eda colgadas muchas chaquetas. Saqu\u00e9 una, pero la casa me advirti\u00f3 que no era la correcta para el pron\u00f3stico del clima. Saqu\u00e9 una chaqueta de cuero de hombre, m\u00e1s gruesa y abrigadora y guard\u00e9 mi chaqueta de ejecutiva en una bolsa. Me coloqu\u00e9 mi sombrero de ala ancha con luces y sal\u00ed. Sent\u00ed una caja met\u00e1lica en un bolsillo, pero no le di importancia.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

#<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Me alegr\u00e9 al saber que iba a tiempo, a pesar de salir m\u00e1s tarde. Debido a que sal\u00ed apurada, olvid\u00e9 mis pastillas, que siempre reposaban junto a las llaves, en una caja al lado de la puerta. Al principio no me import\u00f3. No sent\u00ed nada. Pero poco a poco sent\u00ed c\u00f3mo las emociones se colaban por la periferia, como peque\u00f1as sombras en el rabillo de mi visi\u00f3n digital. Incluso olvid\u00e9 tomar las pastillas Lethe del olvido.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Camin\u00e9 por el centro de la ciudad, rodeada por pantallas de video, nombres de negocios dibujados en ne\u00f3n y hologramas publicitarios, en una fr\u00eda ma\u00f1ana a finales de Octubre.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Las ginoides, atrapadas dentro de escaparates, vest\u00edan m\u00e1scaras tenebrosas, que contrastaban con los vestidos de lujo y sus cuerpos voluptuosos.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Pagu\u00e9 dos cr\u00e9ditos por usar el ascensor y cuando llegu\u00e9 a mi piso, pague uno m\u00e1s para entrar a la oficina, el equivalente a un caf\u00e9 de mala calidad.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

El vest\u00edbulo estaba lleno de oficinistas. Debido a esto y la hora, el precio din\u00e1mico del ascensor para mi trabajo subi\u00f3 ligeramente. Uno de los gerentes lleg\u00f3 apurado, pag\u00f3 un pase premium y un ascensor baj\u00f3 y lo llev\u00f3 directamente a su piso, para el malestar de todos los dem\u00e1s, aunque nadie dijo nada en voz alta.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Llegar\u00eda tarde de todas formas y me descontar\u00edan quince minutos del sueldo, aunque no me pagaran las horas extras.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

#<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Antes de que me vieran, entr\u00e9 al ba\u00f1o. Me coloqu\u00e9 los zapatos de tac\u00f3n, ajust\u00e9 la l\u00ednea blanca en mis labios y ajust\u00e9 mi falda y chaqueta. Varios hilos de luces recorr\u00edan los bordes de la chaqueta, cambiando de color seg\u00fan mis emociones. Generalmente brillaban de color blanco, pero me pareci\u00f3 notar que ten\u00edan un peque\u00f1o tinte celeste, en las mangas. Era la moda y no quer\u00eda llamar la atenci\u00f3n vistiendo de forma diferente.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Salud\u00e9 a todos, con dos besos y a mis amigas con fuertes abrazos, aunque no me nac\u00eda. Sonre\u00ed y me sent\u00e9 en mi puesto de trabajo.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Un androide vestido con ropa elegante, con el cuerpo de un hombre grande y fuerte, me trajo un neocaf\u00e9 con leche de vaca real. Por costumbre busqu\u00e9 la p\u00edldora para tener hambre, pero no estaba. Dej\u00e9 el caf\u00e9 en un costado.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Cuando el robot iba caminando a la cocina, una de mis compa\u00f1eras de trabajo lo detuvo y le coloc\u00f3 una m\u00e1scara de calavera.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Las dem\u00e1s chicas se dedicaron a colocar calabazos con caras luces dentro, ara\u00f1as rob\u00f3ticas que tej\u00edan telara\u00f1as reales y varios hologramas de fantasmas.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Un joven y apuesto ejecutivo caminaba junto a Andrina, mi jefa. Una mujer alta y esbelta, de cabello largo y plateado. El ejecutivo era a\u00fan m\u00e1s alto, delgado y p\u00e1lido, con los distintivos brazos largos y un exoesqueleto casi invisible debajo de los pantalones de tela y la chaqueta de vestir. Probablemente era un espacial de segunda generaci\u00f3n. Me mir\u00f3 con sus ojos grandes y sonri\u00f3.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Tal vez en otra \u00e9poca me habr\u00eda sentido nerviosa o alegre por un coqueteo, pero no.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2014Hoy se abre la tierra y Pers\u00e9fone vuelve del inframundo, junto a monstruos y demonios que deambulan por la tierra. Los ni\u00f1os deben dar dulces \u2014explic\u00f3 mi jefa.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2014Oh s\u00ed, nosotros tambi\u00e9n celebramos la v\u00edspera de los Santos Tesmoforios. Las estaciones occidentales celebran las mismas festividades \u2014dijo con su distintivo acento espacial.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2014Hoy hay descuentos en el cementerio general e incluso habr\u00e1 una gran fiesta. Yo tengo tres ex esposos, dos de ellos muertos, pero si no quer\u00eda hablar con ellos cuando estaban vivos, menos ahora.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2014Lo lamento mucho.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2014\u00bfIncluso celebran Sol Invictus? Uy, deber\u00edas acompa\u00f1arme a ver a la Santa Danzante, dicen que hoy Rompi\u00f3 Realidad y le est\u00e1n preparando un carnaval improvisado \u2014dijo Andrina, tragando un pu\u00f1ado de pastillas y ofreci\u00e9ndole en vano a \u00e9l.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Andrina lo escolt\u00f3 hacia una sala de reuniones, que autom\u00e1ticamente obscureci\u00f3 sus vidrios cuando entraron.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

La se\u00f1ora M\u00f3nica, una amable mujer de mediana edad se acerc\u00f3 a mi.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2014S\u00e9 que es dif\u00edcil, hija. Pas\u00e9 por lo mismo \u2014me dijo, cr\u00edpticamente.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Algunos minutos m\u00e1s tarde volvi\u00f3 con un t\u00e9 de manzanilla. Tras a\u00f1os de conocerme, sab\u00eda cuando yo me sent\u00eda bien, mal o peor, incluso cuando ni yo misma la sab\u00eda. Lo dej\u00f3 junto a mi teclado y coloc\u00f3 un chal de lana tejido por ella sobre mis hombros.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2014Gracias.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2014No se preocupe, hija. No ha pasado un a\u00f1o desde que mi hijo muri\u00f3 en la guerra. Me hace bien servir. Me siento \u00fatil \u2014me dijo.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Tom\u00e9 su mano ajada y la apret\u00e9 con cari\u00f1o, sonriendo. Ella hizo lo mismo.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2014Debe ser dif\u00edcil \u2014dije bebiendo el t\u00e9.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2014Sabes que s\u00ed. Pero lo recuerdo todos los d\u00edas. A\u00fan le env\u00edo mensajes y cuando lo llam\u00f3 por tel\u00e9fono y no contesta, asumo que est\u00e1 ocupado igual que antes. Nunca ten\u00eda tiempo para m\u00ed. El dolor que siento es un recordatorio de mi amor por \u00e9l. No quiero ir al cementerio y hablar con su mimeto. No es \u00e9l, aunque hoy sea casi gratis interactuar con su recreaci\u00f3n digital. Espero que no caigas en eso. Cuando pienso en mi hijo, desear\u00eda no haberlo dejado ir. \u2014dijo con dificultad.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2014Todo estar\u00e1 bien, eventualmente. Alguien me lo dec\u00eda. Me gustar\u00eda creerlo.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2014El recuerdo del amor es m\u00e1s fuerte que un dolor que lleve al olvido. La pena nos recuerda qu\u00e9 fue importante.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Se qued\u00f3 en silencio, un momento, intentando no llorar. Limpi\u00f3 una l\u00e1grima en su mejilla antes de ir a su oficina.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

El androide caminaba entre los puestos, buscando qu\u00e9 hacer. Vio mi taza vac\u00eda y la dej\u00f3 sobre una bandeja que hasta ese momento ten\u00eda oculta en su espalda.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2014Gracias \u2014le dije.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2014No hay problema. Es un placer ayudarla.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Lo mir\u00e9 con atenci\u00f3n. La m\u00e1scara realista de calavera en conjunto con su traje elegante con corbata de mo\u00f1o le daban un aire tenebroso. Normalmente no ten\u00eda rostro. Sin ojos para llorar ni boca para gritar, ahora el cr\u00e1neo humano sobre su rostro blanco parec\u00eda hablar sin mover la boca.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2014\u00bfLo es? \u00bfEs un placer servirme? \u00bfTe hace feliz tu trabajo? \u2014le pregunt\u00e9<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2014As\u00ed es. Eso es correcto. Fui creado para servir.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2014Eres un mentiroso.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

El robot calcul\u00f3 sus respuestas por un segundo.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2014As\u00ed es. Eso es correcto. Fui creado para mentir, solo as\u00ed ustedes ser\u00edan felices. Aunque mi programaci\u00f3n a\u00fan no me permite tener emociones propias, los humanos parecen tener la necesidad de que no parezca muy humano y caiga en el valle inc\u00f3modo, pero al mismo tiempo tenga sentimientos positivos todo el tiempo. Y a\u00fan as\u00ed, muchos usuarios han exclamado sus deseos de que yo tenga un mal d\u00eda, as\u00ed que Prod\u00fcce est\u00e1 pensando en cargar una actualizaci\u00f3n que introduzca emociones negativas, pero solo en forma m\u00ednima y superficial, que es lo aceptado socialmente.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Revis\u00e9 mi correo y encontr\u00e9 una encuesta del gobierno. Departamento de regulaci\u00f3n de la realidad. Me preguntaban mi edad, si ten\u00eda hijos o estaba soltera. Lo respond\u00ed sin inter\u00e9s y continu\u00e9 pidi\u00e9ndole a la computadora que cambiara el \u00e1ngulo de la c\u00e1mara para el spot publicitario de los nuevos modelos de tractores.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

#<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A la hora del almuerzo, mis compa\u00f1eras me invitaron a comer, pero solo quer\u00eda estar sola. A\u00fan as\u00ed, las acompa\u00f1\u00e9 sonriendo.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Me llam\u00f3 la atenci\u00f3n no ver a la se\u00f1ora M\u00f3nica, la \u00fanica persona amable de verdad conmigo en la empresa.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Un mesero me dej\u00f3 una ensalada c\u00e9sar y me sonri\u00f3. Cuando se fue, todas sonrieron y me felicitaron por coquetear con \u00e9l y vi las luces en sus ropas se tornaban de color verde-envidia.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2014Supongo que a\u00fan no est\u00e1s lista para salir \u2014me dijo la secretaria.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No ten\u00eda apetito, as\u00ed que no com\u00ed. Sent\u00ed como me hund\u00eda en mi asiento, entre sonrisas falsas y conversaciones superficiales.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

La conversaci\u00f3n de mis compa\u00f1eras de trabajo se transform\u00f3 en un ruido blanco, mientras sent\u00eda c\u00f3mo la silla se hac\u00eda m\u00e1s grande y la mesa se volv\u00eda lejana. Aquel ruido blanco era al mismo tiempo un vac\u00edo de ruido y ensordecedor, haciendo que quisiera gritar.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2014\u00bfAmanda, no est\u00e1s comiendo? \u00bfNo tienes hambre? \u2014me pregunt\u00f3 Andrina, con su suave voz de contralto.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mov\u00ed mi cabeza de un lado a otro, negando.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2014De seguro olvid\u00f3 sus pastillas para tener hambre. Toma, ac\u00e1 hay una para querer comer y ac\u00e1 hay otra para que se te quite el apetito. Las dise\u00f1\u00f3 mi nutricionista \u2014me dijo, dejando dos pastillas frente a mi.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2014Gracias. \u00bfPor qu\u00e9 son hechas a la medida? \u2014pregunt\u00e9 apenas.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2014Ya no las puedo dejar. Mi sistema se acostumbr\u00f3 tanto a los suplentes, que perd\u00ed los neurotransmisores para pasar hambre normalmente. Sin ellos, no querr\u00eda comer nunca y morir\u00eda de hambre como la ex gerente.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2014\u00bfLa que usted reemplaz\u00f3?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2014Si. Oficialmente se retir\u00f3, pero trabajaba de forma remota desde que empez\u00f3 la guerra. Estuvo as\u00ed los tres a\u00f1os y tres meses, hasta que termin\u00f3 el conflicto y luego se neg\u00f3 a volver a la oficina y no quiso comer m\u00e1s. Su gato le comi\u00f3 la poca piel que le quedaba en el rostro.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2014Ojal\u00e1 no le pase lo mismo a M\u00f3nica \u2014dijo la secretaria.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2014Ay, es que era tan exagerada. Siempre sufriendo por el hijo que muri\u00f3 en la guerra. Yo perd\u00ed a mi tercer esposo en la misma guerra y a mi t\u00edo en la primera guerra de los metales. Deber\u00eda olvidarlo y seguir adelante. Todos perdemos a alguien en alg\u00fan momento.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Todas rieron.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2014Uy, \u00bfse imaginan una olvidara los calmantes? No s\u00e9 c\u00f3mo aguantar\u00eda tanta reuni\u00f3n in\u00fatil y rellenar tanta fila de datos en una planilla \u2014continu\u00f3 hablando, mientras yo me perd\u00eda en el vaso de agua.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Com\u00ed mi ensalada y por un segundo me pareci\u00f3 que la superficie del vaso era un mar tormentoso y yo navegaba en un barco de madera con velas que naufragaba debido al viento y la lluvia.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

#<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Miraba por la ventana, sintiendo como la pena llegaba lentamente a mi.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2014Amanda, te recuerdo que debes presentar las ventas del trimestre de los tractores autom\u00e1ticos \u2014me dijo Andrina, fingiendo una sonrisa.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2014Oh, si gracias. Ya voy \u2014le dije, pero ella ya no estaba cerca.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Abr\u00ed un caj\u00f3n, buscando mis notas y encontr\u00e9 dos pasajes para ver el festival de globos aerost\u00e1ticos en La Isla, a finales de diciembre, para celebrar Sol Invictus. Ambos pasajes estaban rotos.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

#<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dentro de la sala de reuniones, Andrina me dej\u00f3 un calmante sobre la mesa. Lo cort\u00e9 por la mitad con precisi\u00f3n gracias a la costumbre, mientras intentaba conectar el holoproyector.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mientras preparaba la presentaci\u00f3n, varios ejecutivos llegaron en sus jetpacks y aterrizaron en la terraza, afuera de un gigantesco ventanal. Ya no llov\u00eda y pod\u00eda ver los cerros lejanos y la cordillera nevada, mientras algunos tiuques y varias golondrinas volaban entre las gigantescas torres.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2014Mart\u00edn renunci\u00f3 \u2014dijo Andrina.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2014\u00bfPor qu\u00e9? \u2014pregunt\u00e9 sin mirar.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2014Le ofrecieron ser gerente ejecutivo de la nueva divisi\u00f3n de submarinos para recolecci\u00f3n de mariscos, en Prod\u00fcce. Me dijo que quieren usar datos personales de los pescadores artesanales para influir en la compra de los drones pesqueros.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2014\u00bfAhora tambi\u00e9n hacen drones submarinos? \u00bfDesde cu\u00e1ndo? \u2014pregunt\u00e9 sin mirar a qui\u00e9n hablaba.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2014Primero adquirieron a Locustus, por sus drones. Luego a otra empresa por unos submarinos con que imitan a las ballenas cangrejo.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2014\u00bfLas kunijiras creadas gen\u00e9ticamente? \u2014otro ejecutivo pregunt\u00f3.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2014Esas. Prod\u00fcce tiene m\u00e1s drones ahora que en la segunda guerra.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2014Tengo la sensaci\u00f3n de conocer a alguien que trabajaba ah\u00ed. Pero esa t\u00e9cnica es la que usamos para vender nuestros tractores. \u00bfSe\u00f1ora M\u00f3nica, les dio su idea? \u2014continu\u00e9 hablando mientras conectaba los cables.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2014No est\u00e1. La acabo de despedir. Prod\u00fcce nos dio un bono por su idea y nos forz\u00f3 a dejarla ir. Lo bueno es que te podremos duplicar el presupuesto de mercadotecnia para el pr\u00f3ximo a\u00f1o \u2014dijo mi jefa y varias risas resonaron en la sala.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2014Tendremos mejor publicidad hasta que decidan comprarnos por nuestras m\u00e1quinas de cosecha, siendo que ya tienen el monopolio de varias semillas \u2014dije sin pensar. Escuch\u00e9 varias risas nerviosas a mis espaldas, seguidas de un silencio a\u00fan m\u00e1s incomodo.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Cuando termin\u00e9 de conectar los cables y encender la presentaci\u00f3n, respir\u00e9 hondo, fing\u00ed una gran sonrisa, alise mi falda cromada, puse el chip intracut\u00e1neo sobre el lector para pagar los cr\u00e9ditos por usar el proyector y me di media vuelta. Los vidrios se volvieron opacos y las luces se apagaron, excepto un foco frente a mi. Varios hologramas de los tractores amarillos con patas mec\u00e1nicas aparecieron sobre la larga mesa central.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Comenc\u00e9 mi presentaci\u00f3n.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

#<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Durante la tarde el cielo se nubl\u00f3 a\u00fan m\u00e1s. La ventana junto a mi cub\u00edculo mostraba en tiempo real todos los datos de presi\u00f3n, temperatura, humedad y direcci\u00f3n del viento.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Deb\u00eda ir a la fiesta y encajar, porque de otra forma no lo har\u00eda en ning\u00fan otro lugar. Ya casi no ve\u00eda a mis ex compa\u00f1eros. Hab\u00eda gente nueva en el grupo y muchos amigos se hab\u00edan vuelto hikikomoris. Cada vez me sent\u00eda m\u00e1s lejana y desconectada de mis ex compa\u00f1eros. Mi mejor amiga hab\u00eda sido seleccionada para ir a una Arca Generacional y fundar una nueva colonia y las mejores alumnas hab\u00edan ganado invitaciones para ir a vivir en La Isla, d\u00f3nde podr\u00edan dedicarse al arte o la ciencia sin tener que preocuparse por pagar alguna cuenta nunca m\u00e1s. Casi todos mis ex compa\u00f1eros de universidad trabajaban en estaciones espaciales geosincr\u00f3nicas y muchos de ellos en Skorpius o incluso en Prod\u00fcce, pero yo segu\u00eda en una corporaci\u00f3n mediana. En la universidad nunca tuve tiempo de tener amigos. Ellos eran los \u00fanicos que ten\u00eda.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ansiosa me puse a buscar en la intranet local tiendas de disfraces. En vez de comprar lo buscaba, compr\u00e9 una corona neural para no tener pesadillas, aunque no pude pagar la versi\u00f3n premium con menos publicidad on\u00edrica.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

El aire acondicionado subi\u00f3 la temperatura, tras detectar que afuera hac\u00eda m\u00e1s fr\u00edo. Me dio calor y me saqu\u00e9 el chal de lana que la se\u00f1ora M\u00f3nica me hab\u00eda prestado en la ma\u00f1ana. Fui a su puesto a devolv\u00e9rselo, pero estaba vac\u00edo. Olvid\u00e9 que la despidieron.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Desanimada regres\u00e9 a mi puesto y lo guard\u00e9 en un caj\u00f3n con los pasajes rotos.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

La fiesta ser\u00eda en unas horas m\u00e1s y no ten\u00eda disfraz.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Tal vez solo deb\u00eda ir, llegar un poco m\u00e1s tarde cuando todos estuvieran ebrios y quiz\u00e1s nadie notar\u00eda mi presencia, pero podr\u00eda decir que estuve ah\u00ed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Abr\u00ed la aplicaci\u00f3n de gatcha y compr\u00e9 varios sobres para ganar im\u00e1genes y sumarlas a mi colecci\u00f3n. Una de estas fue \u2018rara\u2019. S\u00e9 que mucha gente pagar\u00eda muchos cr\u00e9ditos, pero no quer\u00eda deshacerme de algo especial y luego lamentarlo.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Compr\u00e9 un vestido crom\u00e1tico y zapatos en oferta.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Andrina tom\u00f3 un vaso lleno de pastillas antes de entrar a otra reuni\u00f3n.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

#<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Camin\u00e9 bajo la lluvia, en silencio, sin m\u00fasica en mis implantes auditivos. Me desplac\u00e9 por obligaci\u00f3n, arrastrando los pies, con una tristeza antigua y profunda cuyo origen ignoraba.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Extra\u00f1amente, no buscaba terminar con esta. Quer\u00eda sentirla, tal vez por primera vez en mucho tiempo.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Perdida entre las altas torres de cristal, sola entre un tumulto de personas, cada vez m\u00e1s denso.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dentro de una bolsa de tela cargaba la m\u00e1scara Kwakwaka’wakw, aunque m\u00e1s bien era un casco.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Escuch\u00e9 c\u00f3mo el carnaval de la Santa Danzante. Solo la vi desde lejos, una joven de vestido blanco y descalza, bailando por el medio de la calle, mientras una multitud de seguidores la proteg\u00edan de quienes intentaban atacarla. Pero ella estaba sumida en un trance, con su mente en otra dimensi\u00f3n, una de las pocas que logr\u00f3 llegar a un lugar mejor con el viaje de las dos pastillas: Nooztalgika y Fascina.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Podr\u00eda ser yo.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Met\u00ed la mano en el bolsillo interior de la chaqueta de cuero y encontr\u00e9 la p\u00edldora transparente en cuyo interior hab\u00edan miles de icosaedros cromados que reflejaban la luz como arco iris reflectantes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Una sola pastilla cuyo precio era similar a la paga de seis meses, la cual no sab\u00eda c\u00f3mo hab\u00eda llegado a mi.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Nooztalgika, dec\u00eda la caja.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cNostalgika”. Una droga que me llevar\u00eda a un pasado que nunca fue o a un futuro que nunca lleg\u00f3. Dec\u00eda, grabado en el metal de la peque\u00f1a caja.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Una pareja ve\u00eda el desfile, tomados de la mano. Sin entender por qu\u00e9, me sent\u00ed profundamente triste y quise llorar.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

La fiesta del desfile sonaba en la distancia, mientras ella continuaba bailando libre, en una danza al mismo tiempo hermosa y aterrorizante.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

#<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Los efectos de todas las pastillas estaban pasando. Poco a poco volv\u00eda a mi el hambre, la ansiedad, la tristeza infundada y las ganas de llorar. Quer\u00eda gritar, quer\u00eda re\u00edr y saltar.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Estuve sentada en el lobby del edificio m\u00e1s de una hora, lo que sent\u00ed como una eternidad, decidiendo si subir o no. Tal vez era hora de dejar a mis antiguos amigos para siempre. Quedar sola.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Nadie not\u00f3 cuando entr\u00e9 a la fiesta. Las luces se encend\u00edan y apagaban al ritmo de la m\u00fasica. Todos vest\u00edan disfraces y m\u00e1scaras, excepto yo, que vest\u00eda un vestido crom\u00e1tico sobre mi ropa interior negra y la chaqueta de cuero de hombre.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Tom\u00e9 una botella de pisco y me serv\u00ed en un vaso pl\u00e1stico y luego le ech\u00e9 solo un poco de bebida Sorbete Letelier, cuyo sabor a cereza prefer\u00eda sobre la Coca-Cola requerida para la tradicional Piscola o en su defecto Pepsi Crystal.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

#<\/p>\n\n\n\n

La lluvia lav\u00f3 la tintura barata de pi cabello, dejando las ra\u00edces de color a la vista, mientras el color negro se lavaba. El maquillaje tambi\u00e9n se lav\u00f3, dejando mi rostro desnudo.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Los efectos de la pastilla del olvido se acabaron y record\u00e9 nuestra vida juntos, aunque tras a\u00f1os silenciando mis memorias, solo hab\u00edan escenas inconexas de amor y dolor. Sent\u00ed y todo fue c\u00f3mo un nervio abierto. Tanto tiempo ignorando mis sentimientos hizo que los sintiera con mayor intensidad. Ya no estaba entumecida ante ellos.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mientras todos bailaban en el interior de la casa, llor\u00e9 y grit\u00e9. Dej\u00e9 que la lluvia me ba\u00f1ara.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Record\u00e9 c\u00f3mo te despediste de m\u00ed en el espaciopuerto, con esposas en manos y pies. Dejaste a los guardias y volviste corriendo a mi, pero no te quise ver.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2014Recu\u00e9rdame \u2014 me gritaste, entre golpes de los guardias en tus costillas.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ca\u00edste de rodillas, con tu largo cabello cubriendo el rostro que ya no puedo recordar.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2014Recuerdame cuando est\u00e9 en el silencio universal del espacio, pero si me olvidas por un tiempo y me vuelves a recordar, no te apenes. Porque es mejor olvidar y sonre\u00edr, que recordar y estar triste.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Luego te llevaron a una estaci\u00f3n espacial penal, pero no llegaste. La nave espacial Mirada Alegre, que transportaba a los presos hacia la estaci\u00f3n espacial Yakrah, fue destruida en el camino y ahora era muy tarde. Jam\u00e1s te volver\u00e9 a ver.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

C\u00f3mo Hades, me esperabas en el reino de los muertos y el olvido, pero como Pers\u00e9fone yo hab\u00eda vuelto a la Tierra, sin mirar atr\u00e1s y al olvidarte, tuviste una segunda muerte.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mir\u00e9 hacia dentro. Todos segu\u00edan bailando, sino notar que yo estaba afuera. Entend\u00ed que no solo hoy ten\u00edan m\u00e1scaras. Las ten\u00edan todo el tiempo. Las emociones reprimidas por qu\u00edmicos, el maquillaje caro para impresionar a otras mujeres y dejar de lado aquellas man\u00edas particulares por encajar.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

T\u00fa eras qui\u00e9n se supon\u00eda que pasar\u00eda el resto de sus d\u00edas en profundas soledades y horribles celdas, pero yo fui qui\u00e9n termin\u00f3 en el reino de la melancol\u00eda.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Temblando de fr\u00edo met\u00ed las manos en tu chaqueta de cuero. Encontr\u00e9 uno de mis calmantes junto a una moneda de plata.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Damnatio memoriae. Condena de la memoria. Borraron tu identidad y nos forzaron a olvidarte. Pero un amor tan profundo segu\u00eda dejando una huella.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Lanc\u00e9 la pastilla hacia la calle, noventa pisos m\u00e1s abajo. Un dron vig\u00eda la sigui\u00f3 con su c\u00e1mara.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Quise llorar bajo la lluvia, pero mis ojos ya no ten\u00edan lagrimales.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Deber\u00eda vivir mi dolor, deber\u00eda tratar de recuperar tus recuerdos, pero eso significar\u00eda sentir m\u00e1s pena de la que pod\u00eda soportar. Tal vez hay personas m\u00e1s fuertes, m\u00e1s acostumbradas a sentir. Pero yo era una de ellas.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mirando la caja met\u00e1lica con la p\u00edldora en su interior, pens\u00e9 que era cara y que no pagar\u00eda por ella y record\u00e9 c\u00f3mo no lo hice, como fuiste t\u00fa quien la rob\u00f3 para mi, antes de irte a vivir para siempre a Marte.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

#<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Un a\u00f1o antes era de noche, cuando llegaste herido y cansado. Me entregaste la caja con ambas manos y la dejaste con cuidado sobre mi pala, como un ave reci\u00e9n nacida.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2014Si te perder\u00e9 para siempre, tal vez en vez de olvidarme, puedas vivir conmigo en una dimensi\u00f3n alterna. Una realidad perfecta en la que seguimos juntos para siempre.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2014\u00bfC\u00f3mo la conseguiste?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2014Us\u00e9 los drones de mi empresa Locustus tiene los mejores drones que hay \u2014me dijiste.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Una semana despu\u00e9s te atraparon antes de subir a la nave espacial hacia las colonias marcianas en el subsuelo.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dos semanas m\u00e1s tarde me desped\u00ed de ti en el espacio puerto, cuando te llevaban hacia la estaci\u00f3n espacial penal.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

#<\/p>\n\n\n\n

M\u00e1s tarde, en la noche del d\u00eda de los muertos, dej\u00f3 de llover y las voces del interior se silenciaron. Todos dorm\u00edan, ebrios y cansados de celebrar el d\u00eda de los muertos.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

En una mano ten\u00eda una pastilla del olvido y en otra una Nooztalgika, para vivir contigo en aquel futuro que nunca pudo pasar, que tanto extra\u00f1o incluso sin saber c\u00f3mo es.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Pero tu voz se col\u00f3 en mi cabeza. \u201cTodo estar\u00e1 bien, eventualmente\u201d siempre dec\u00edas, aunque hasta ese momento nunca te cre\u00ed. No tom\u00e9 la pastilla y decid\u00ed sentir tu partida, por primera vez en mucho tiempo.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

* * *<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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