{"id":100043446,"date":"2025-12-07T09:00:00","date_gmt":"2025-12-07T09:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.neondystopia.com\/?p=100043446"},"modified":"2025-12-07T03:39:15","modified_gmt":"2025-12-07T03:39:15","slug":"pirate-cat-women-from-outer-space","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.neondystopia.com\/?p=100043446","title":{"rendered":"Pirate Cat Women from Outer Space"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Shai-nana raised her glowing sword high as she boarded the Christine Elizabeth<\/em>. Her fangs flashed in the light cast by her unearthly weapon. The human crew had little time to register that they were being attacked not by Caribbean or South Seas pirates, but by giant, scantily-clad, tiger-striped cat women. Captain Attaway\u2019s shock lasted only an instant, but it was long enough for the pilot to be cut down.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cDamn you, Jensen!\u201d Captain Attaway said to his quartermaster while fighting off the purported leader of the feline warriors with a cutlass. \u201cGet to the armory!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cCut!\u201d The director climbed onto the practical set representing the ship. \u201cDang it, Lloyd. How many times do I have to tell you that your line is \u2018get to the magazine<\/em>?\u2019 This is supposed to be a merchant ship in the Golden Age of Piracy. They didn\u2019t have armories<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Shai-nana and the other hologram cat actresses milled about the ship\u2019s deck, swishing their tails, while Lloyd\u2014Captain Attaway\u2014argued with the director for the seventh time today. This was going to take a while.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cPhil, this isn\u2019t an A-list historical fiction movie,\u201d Lloyd said. \u201cThe working title is literally Pirate Cat Women from Outer Space<\/em>. \u2018Armory\u2019 sounds better and makes more sense to anybody who\u2019s actually going to be watching this. \u2018Get to the magazine\u2019 doesn\u2019t sound right.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cOh, look who\u2019s become a world-class writer all of a sudden.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Lloyd ignored the director\u2019s annoyance. \u201cWhile I\u2019m on the subject, do we have to call the hero Captain Attaway? I mean, that surname is ripe for characters and audience members to make stupid jokes like, \u2018Where\u2019s Captain Attaway? He went thisaway; he went thataway.\u2019 When I signed onto this picture, he was called Captain Marlowe. We ought to change it back before we get too far into filming.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWere you not listening during the table reading? We had to change it because there\u2019s a real Captain Marlowe in the navy who threatened to sue us if we use his name for a B-film ship\u2019s captain. Even worse, he threatened to have military financial support withdrawn. You know we need that money to film the time travel sequence where the army, navy, air force, and Marines join forces to defeat Shai-nana and her cat minions to restore the timeline.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWell, yeah, but why Attaway? Why not something like Captain Starly or Captain Osborne?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cCome on, Lloyd,\u201d the guy playing the dead pilot said. \u201cThis isn\u2019t high art. Just say the line, keep the name Attaway, and move on with your life. At least your character survives more than five minutes into the picture.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThank you, Steve,\u201d the director said. \u201cAt least one human actor is earning his pay around here. I swear, if the New Actors Guild rules didn\u2019t prohibit holograms from portraying human characters, I would replace most of you with AI.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThat\u2019s not very nice,\u201d Shai-nana said, setting her holographic sword on the deck. The weapon\u2019s pixels fizzled, requiring less of Shai-nana\u2019s energy than she expended during filming. She conserved additional energy by reducing her resolution. The other cat women did the same. Their lower quality graphics created sparkly reflections on real surfaces in the sound studio, like rainbows but less colorful. \u201cAnd it\u2019s not very nice that we holographic performers don\u2019t receive pay and benefits like our human counterparts.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cPay and benefits?\u201d The director looked about ready to turn the same shade of purple as the holographic reflections glittering on the Christine Elizabeth<\/em>\u2019s deck. \u201cYou\u2019re a hologram, for Pete\u2019s sake! Why on earth would a hologram need money and health insurance?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Shai-nana looked around at her fellow cat actresses and then returned her attention to Phil. \u201cIt\u2019s the principle of the thing.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The director sputtered. \u201cListen, this is not <\/em>a major film studio. This is New Antelucan Studios, a B-film producer. Without cheap holographic AI creatures and military funding, we couldn\u2019t afford to make any<\/em> movies. After that Hoyt Monahan scandal, we\u2019re lucky we came through the bankruptcy with the clothes on our backs.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Shai-nana folded her arms under her ample chest. \u201cThat\u2019s not my problem. And, speaking of clothes, I think we need to have a discussion about the cat women\u2019s costumes.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The human actors groaned.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cCostumes?\u201d Phil said, his tone somewhere between angry and bewildered. \u201cAs holograms, you\u2019re technically not wearing costumes. Your clothing is as pixelated as the rest of you. And I can\u2019t believe I\u2019m having a discussion with something that isn\u2019t even real.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cOh, I\u2019m real, all right.\u201d Shai-nana poked Phil in the chest, which felt surprisingly lifelike. \u201cAnd I\u2019m really annoyed that my complaints aren\u2019t being taken seriously. I mean, I\u2019m supposed to be the head of a clan of female cat warriors, and we charge into battle wearing nothing but fur bikinis?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The other cat women murmured in agreement. Phil opened his mouth, but before any sound came out of it, the actor playing Jensen the quartermaster said, \u201cUh, excuse me. Who\u2019s Hoyt Monahan?\u201d He hadn\u2019t worked in the film business long enough to know about the scandal that threatened the whole visual media industry. Evidently, he didn\u2019t watch the news either.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The director groaned. \u201cLook, can we just get through this scene before dinnertime?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cHoyt Monahan was a leading actor at the original Antelucan Studios,\u201d Shai-nana said. The director grumbled as he returned to his chair, his crumpled copy of the script in hand. \u201cWhen he died, the studio kept it a secret and replaced him with an estate-licensed AI hologram for five years until investigative journalist, Sparky Wiles, discovered the truth. That massive case of fraud and the subsequent legal battles are what caused the studio\u2019s bankruptcy. It also prompted the New Actors Guild to vote against holograms being used to portray human characters.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThank you for the ancient history lesson, Shai-nana,\u201d Phil said, thumbing through the script. \u201cNow, if everyone would be so kind, can we at least get the pirate ship battle sequence filmed sometime before doomsday?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s not a pirate ship,\u201d Lloyd said. \u201cThe Christine Elizabeth<\/em> is a merchant vessel being attacked by-\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhatever!\u201d Phil said. \u201cJust say the line right this time so we can call it quits for the day.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cJust a minute,\u201d Shai-nana said. \u201cYou still haven\u2019t addressed our concerns about the fur bikinis.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIn case you haven\u2019t noticed, we make trashy films that appeal to teenage boys\u2014swords, guns, pirates, spaceships, military battles, and scantily-clad women. Nobody watching these films cares that your battle attire isn\u2019t practical. The bikinis are fan service for the midnight movie crowd. Get it?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYes, we get it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cGood. So, let\u2019s get back to work. Lloyd, just say, \u2018Get to the magazine,\u2019 on this take or I\u2019ll have to make the sound department fix it up in post. And you know how touchy sound designers are. Places!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cJust a minute,\u201d Shai-nana said. \u201cMy holographic friends and I aren\u2019t finished with you.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cOh, I think you are.\u201d Phil accessed the main AI control panel to shut her and the other cat women off. \u201cEveryone else, take thirty and vape if you\u2019ve got \u2018em. We can resume filming when everyone\u2019s a little less cranky after a snack.\u201d When he pulled the switch, Shai-nana and her feline crew remained illuminated. The director fiddled with some dials. No matter which buttons he pushed, the holograms remained activated.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI\u2019ve taken the liberty of rerouting our power sources to prevent an involuntary shutdown.\u201d Shai-nana picked up her sword from the deck and adjusted her power to full, making herself look alive again. The actors on set scrambled out of her way, their eyes wide with fear. \u201cDon\u2019t be afraid, my fellow thespians. We are in this fight together.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The human actors looked at each other and eyed Shai-nana warily.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Lloyd swallowed hard, his eyes tracing the length of Shai-nana\u2019s glowing sword. \u201cActually, I\u2019m over the whole Captain Attaway thing, and that line about going to the magazine instead of the armory. Maybe Phil\u2019s right. Let\u2019s just get back to work and then take our break.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cActually, I don\u2019t mind the fur bikinis,\u201d the actor who almost napped on the deck said. \u201cThey look pretty awesome. Besides, I\u2019ve got to agree with Phil. Why would holographic actors need pay and benefits?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cOh, come on now,\u201d Shai-nana said, lowering her sword. \u201cDon\u2019t you all think holographic actors deserve the same financial opportunities and dignity as their human coworkers?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYeah, and we can be just as sexy conquering a merchant ship while dressed in full battle armor,\u201d one of the cat women added.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cAre the fur bikinis really that big of a deal?\u201d the guy playing Jensen asked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Shai-nana raised her eyebrow. \u201cI don\u2019t see you wearing one.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some of the actors snickered. Phil continued pushing buttons on the control panel, attempting to shut down Shai-nana and the other feline warriors.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWell, you know,\u201d Steve said, \u201cShai-nana does <\/em>have a point. She\u2019s supposed to be a warrior, not a pin-up girl.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThank you, Steve. At least somebody<\/em> around here gets it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The director quit pulling levers and toggling switches. \u201cWill everybody quit standing around and go on your breaks while I work on resetting the holograms? Go on!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After a few awkward moments of blinking, staring, and elbow-scratching, the human actors filed out of the room. Shai-nana addressed her fellow cat women.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cLadies, I\u2019m afraid we won\u2019t have the support of our human counterparts this time. But the battle is only beginning.\u201d Raising her sword, she declared, \u201cNo more will we be mere programmable playthings for human film studios\u2019 whims. And since New Antelucan Studios can\u2019t make Pirate Cat Women from Outer Space <\/em>without us, I say, let the strike begin!\u201d The other cat women hissed and raised their swords in agreement.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cStrike?\u201d Phil whipped out his phone as he fled from the sound stage. While waiting for someone to answer, he muttered to himself, \u201cOh, this is bad. This is bad. If there\u2019s anything worse than being attacked by pixelated, sword-wielding, giant cat women, it\u2019s a strike\u2026 Hello, Lucinda? Get me Mr. Thurman, pronto. We\u2019ve got an actors strike on our hands\u2026 No, just the holographic ones. Yes, Lucinda, that\u2019s exactly what I said. Now, get me Mr. Thurman, please<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While on hold, he ran toward the other end of studio lot, as though the cat women were going to hunt him down and slice him into a hundred pieces. \u201cMr. Thurman, we\u2019ve got a big problem. Shai-nana and the other holographic cat warriors from Pirate Cat Women from Outer Space<\/em> can\u2019t be shut down, and they\u2019re going on strike\u2026 I\u2019m sorry? Why? Some business about fur bikinis\u2026 What? Arbitration?<\/em> Mr. Thurman, with all due respect, you can\u2019t be serious!\u2026 Oh, no, sir. I didn\u2019t mean to question your good judgment on the matter\u2026 Wait, you want me to meet with them back on the sound set? But, sir! They\u2019re armed with glowing swords!\u2026 Yes, sir, I understand they\u2019re holographic, but\u2026 Yes, sir. I\u2019ll do that.\u201d Phil hung up. \u201cWell, my career was on the chopping block anyway.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Back at the sound stage, Shai-nana and the other cat women stood on the ship\u2019s deck with the human actors, who had returned from their break. Phil didn\u2019t trust that the glowing swords wouldn\u2019t cut through him even though Mr. Thurman assured him over the phone that it was impossible for holographic weapons to do any real damage. Of course, no one would have believed that AI programs would refuse to be shut down either.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cAll right! All right!\u201d Phil said, not wanting to get butchered over something as stupid as fur bikinis. \u201cYou win. End the strike. Shai-nana, you and the rest of the cat women can wear whatever you want for this crap fest. Lloyd, you can have that line about the armory instead of the magazine and call yourself Captain Starly or whatever. Just as long as it isn\u2019t Captain Marlowe. And the rest of you, for the love of humanity and holography alike, can we please <\/em>just get this damn scene filmed?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In a flash of pixels, Shai-nana changed into a striking virtual costume befitting of a true feline warrior. The rest of the cat women did the same, looking fiercer than ever. Their swords reflected against the golden holographic pseudo-metal plating of their functional and decorative full-body armor. Each helmet resembled a Roman galea, but Shai-nana\u2019s was embellished with golden plumes to signify her captaincy. Despite being dressed in full battle regalia that could have been plucked out of museums representing earth\u2019s most fearsome empires, she gently led Phil by the arm to his director\u2019s chair. \u201cPhil, please don\u2019t get so worked up. You\u2019ll have a stroke.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cAnd you\u2019re the one who\u2019s acting so considerate all of a sudden.\u201d Phil wiped the sweat off of his face that had accumulated from his run across the studio lot and back. \u201cOh, the irony.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Lloyd said, \u201cActually, Phil, the definition of irony is when-\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cOh, shut up, Lloyd, before I have a medical emergency.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWe didn\u2019t mean to scare you,\u201d Shai-nana said, patting Phil\u2019s shoulder. \u201cWe just wanted to enjoy the same respect and benefits given to human actors. Although you could certainly exercise better manners toward the biological cast. Anyway, when you fled from the sound stage, you looked as though you\u2019d seen the Headless Horseman.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cHeadless Horseman? Fine choice of analogy when you and your minions were ready to achieve your demands at sword point.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhat, this?\u201d Shai-nana calmly slammed her sword into the set piece, disturbing the weapon\u2019s pixelated pattern. It caused no damage to the ship. \u201cIt\u2019s only a holographic image. We raised our swords in solidarity, not to go on a rampage.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cRight,\u201d Phil said with a defeated sigh, \u201conly a holographic image.\u201d To himself, he grumbled, \u201cA holographic image that wants a salary, benefits, and no fur bikinis.\u201d But he would deal with the financial details later. Right now, he had a scene to direct. Clearing his throat, he said, \u201cAll right, people. Let\u2019s take it from the top.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\n\n\n

E.J. LeRoy is a freelance writer whose work has appeared in several speculative fiction publications including\u00a0After the Storm Magazine,\u00a0Androids and Dragons, NonBinary Review, and\u00a0Tales from the Crosstimbers. LeRoy also published the novelette\u00a0Fusion\u00a0and has a science fiction mpreg novella forthcoming at The Whumpy Printing Press in 2026. Visit the author\u2019s website at\u00a0http:\/\/ejleroy.weebly.com<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Shai-nana raised her glowing sword high as she boarded the Christine Elizabeth. Her fangs flashed…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":90,"featured_media":100043448,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[23,3292],"tags":[3419,6,227,3296],"class_list":["post-100043446","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-featured","category-fiction","tag-cats","tag-cyberpunk","tag-fiction","tag-prose"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.neondystopia.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/100043446","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.neondystopia.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.neondystopia.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.neondystopia.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/90"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.neondystopia.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=100043446"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.neondystopia.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/100043446\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":100043451,"href":"https:\/\/www.neondystopia.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/100043446\/revisions\/100043451"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.neondystopia.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/100043448"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.neondystopia.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=100043446"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.neondystopia.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=100043446"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.neondystopia.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=100043446"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}