Yumi Nishida hooked one arm around the handrail of the train and scrolled through the latest research in genetics on her e-reader. The gritty floor underneath her cushiony work shoes pulsed with the momentum of the train\u2019s motion. She kept rereading the same paragraph, trying to process the dense information, but it was in Chinese, and she\u2019d never been good at foreign languages. Why her parents hadn\u2019t enhanced her brain rather than her body, she never understood.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
If there was one thing Yumi hoped she might accomplish in her career as a geneticist, it was the ability to undo genetic mistakes like those her parents had paid for. She just wanted to be normal, or some version of it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yumi looked like a caricature more than a normal person. To hide this, she sported a baseball hat to hide her pretty face and wore her blonde hair under a ponytail. A pair of loose shorts and a t-shirt covered up the unnatural proportions of her hourglass figure. It used to be so much easier to dress in layers of clothes with Oregon\u2019s temperate climate, even in the summer, but with global warming, there was no way to keep herself hidden under a rain jacket or winter coat.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cHey, that looks like it would be a lot easier sitting down,\u201d a man in a business suit said, standing up. \u201cCan I offer you my seat?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThanks,\u201d she said, as she slid into the seat. She kept her words brief and her gaze down in hopes of deterring conversation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
She carefully removed her backpack so it wouldn\u2019t hit the lady in the Middle Eastern style headscarf sitting next to her. The veiled woman glanced up from her book, her eyes widening. She smiled and went back to reading. Or at least pretending to read while sneaking glances at Yumi from out of the corner of her eye.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yumi would have liked to wear a headscarf and veil over her face like this woman, but if she did, she was afraid she\u2019d offend someone, like her friend Amira.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cSo, you a student? You studying for school or something?\u201d the man asked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yumi let her gaze flicker upward. \u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
She dabbed the sweat from her forehead, trying not to smear the makeup that dulled the fluorescent quality of the melanin in her porcelain skin. It was another side effect of the genetic modifications.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The man was middle-aged and sweating profusely in his business suit. \u201cWow, you have beautiful eyes. I\u2019ve never seen such a vivid blue. Are they real?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
She knew he wasn\u2019t just talking about the color. He meant the shape with a double eyelid her parents had coveted because it wasn\u2019t the norm among Asian features. He meant her perfectly plump lips, heart-shaped face and unusual combination of Western and Eastern features that made her exotic.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cNo,\u201d she said quickly. \u201cContacts.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cOh.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It was easier to lie than admit to genetic modifications while it was still illegal to do so in the United States. Yumi pretended to read her e-reader. The lady next to her snuck another glance. Perspiration caused Yumi\u2019s t-shirt stick to her, making it cling more than she wanted.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The business man said, \u201cSo, what school do you go to? Portland State or University of Portland? Or\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI\u2019m sorry. I have a test. I need to study.\u201d If she could have afforded a car with her meager grad school stipend, she would have bought one.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cOh. Of course.\u201d The man continued ogling her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yumi went back to reading. When the woman got up for her stop, Yumi heaved her bag onto the seat next to her. The train was still pretty crowded. She didn\u2019t like being selfish, but she hated not knowing who might take that seat. Eventually she switched the bag to her lap when a stooped old man asked to sit down. He was so skinny and feeble, he staggered when the train took off before he could seat himself. She placed a hand under his elbow to help him sit down. Then she felt guilty she\u2019d been hogging two seats.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yumi kept trying to glean new bits of information from the text on undoing genetic modifications, but it was ten a.m. and it was already too hot to think, at least on the train.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Near the university stop, she put away her e-reader and slung the bag over her shoulder. The old man stood as she shuffled past him, tilting his pelvis against hers so she could feel his erection.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Anger flared up in her. She stepped on his foot with her gym shoe, causing him to give her some space. She rammed the backpack against his chest for good measure.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Her mother would have chastised her for excessive rudeness. She might have broken that old man\u2019s ribs and failed in her duty to be respectful to her elders. But her mother hadn\u2019t ever ridden the train. She didn\u2019t experience what it was like to be trapped in an excessively beautiful body, either.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yumi\u2019s chest felt tight and her breathing labored. She tried to ignore the panic attack threatening to overwhelm her. She\u2019d gotten through the hard part of the day; everything else would be easier from here on out. As she headed across campus to the science department, ringing started in her ears. She took the stairs up to the biology department to avoid being stuck in an elevator with other people. By the time she reached the fourth floor, a tunnel swallowed the periphery of her vision. She made it to the bathroom where she locked herself in the handicapped stall and sagged against the wall. She gasped for air and sobbed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yumi sat on the floor and would have remained there for a while longer, but someone tapped on the door.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cIt\u2019s just me, sweetie,\u201d Simon said. \u201cUnlock the stall so I don\u2019t have to crawl under there.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yumi stared at the hot pink shoes under the door. It took a long moment for his words to register and she giggled at the ridiculous image of her friend squeezing under. She unlatched the door and Simon plopped down next to her, all two hundred and fifty pounds of him. He opened his arms the way she wished her mother still did and hugged her. It was so nice to be near another human being, and one who she could trust not to grope her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cHow\u2019d you know I was here?\u201d Her voice sounded rough and gravelly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He waved a dismissive hand in the air, the sparkles in his hot pink fingernail polish catching the light. \u201cEthan said you looked upset when he said hi to you.\u201d She didn\u2019t even remember seeing him. \u201cSo when you didn\u2019t show up on time, I started checking bathrooms. You know me, I just can\u2019t mind my own business.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
She pulled away and hit her head on the toilet paper dispenser. \u201cI\u2019ve got to get to the lab or else Dr. Brandl will think I\u2019m a flake.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cNo worries. She\u2019s in a meeting this morning. Are you going to tell me who molested you this time? Was it the same guy from the party?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cNo. It wasn\u2019t anyone you know. It was on the Yellow line.\u201d She had tried carpooling as undergrad, but that had ended in a car accident when the driver kept staring at her rather than the road.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWell then, let\u2019s get up off this icky floor,\u201d Simon said. \u201cBathroom stall chic was so last year.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Simon pulled her to her feet and dusted off his spandex pants. His form-fitting attire bulged in places Yumi\u2019s mother would have found disgustingly unflattering on his overweight frame. Yumi envied that he was so comfortable wearing whatever he wanted. She\u2019d never been able to do that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
She didn\u2019t feel comfortable until she got to the lab and changed into a pair of long, loose pants, an oversized turtleneck and an extra-large lab coat. In the air conditioned lab, the layers felt perfect. She was the youngest grad student at twenty-one, and one of the few students who bothered with a lab coat. This one was so large, it looked like it might have once been Simon\u2019s.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yumi put on a pair of glasses she didn\u2019t need, but she liked because they made her look more like Dr. Brandl. When Yumi entered the lab, Simon was already at work with his latest guinea-dog experiment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Miranda lifted eyes from a microscope, her gaze raking over Yumi\u2019s face. \u201cHello, Yumi.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cGood morning.\u201d Yumi bowed her head, then when she realized what she was doing, she forced herself to stop the Japanese gesture. Had she looked more Japanese, she suspected people would have found it endearingly multicultural. As it was, they usually thought she was mocking them, or in some cases, being submissive.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Rand waved to her without looking up from his computer. One nice thing about Rand was he never paid anyone much attention, even her. Numbers were far sexier to him than people. Ethan tried not to stare, but he was still pretty new and snuck furtive looks. She looked around for Amira, but she must have been teaching the professor\u2019s class.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cStill fighting the flu?\u201d Miranda asked a little too cheerfully.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yumi nodded. \u201cGetting over it.\u201d That had been her excuse for not coming in the last few days. And in truth, the panic attacks had gotten pretty bad every time she thought about riding public transportation to work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Miranda smirked. \u201cSure it\u2019s just the flu, not too much partying?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yumi pretended she hadn\u2019t overheard the comment. If only she were so lucky that she could party and spend her time the way normal students did.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cBe sure to check out Subject 231 before you get to work. The progress of the fifth leg is coming along ahead of schedule,\u201d Miranda said. She didn\u2019t even look Yumi in the face as she spoke. She stared at Yumi\u2019s chest like the only part of Yumi she could see was breasts. Sometimes women made her feel like more of a sex object than men.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yumi headed over to the rat cage. \u201cDo you mean Pinky or Mochi?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Miranda rolled her eyes. \u201cI don\u2019t know your pet names for them.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yumi stooped over the cage. It was Mochi who was doing well. Tumors still covered Pinky\u2019s body. Yumi reached in and cradled his quivering form in her hands. Sometimes she felt like a white lab rat in a cage called life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Miranda placed her hands on her hips. \u201cYou know Dr. Brandl doesn\u2019t like us getting attached to the subjects. It makes it harder to stay objective when you humanize them.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Her gaze flickered to Yumi\u2019s chest again. Was that what people did when they saw her\u2014categorize her as something inhuman so they could treat her however they wanted? Perhaps she would be a better scientist if she could see Pinky as an object\u2014as a subject.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
She stroked Pinky one more time before returning him to the cage.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yumi was already exhausted. She hated coming in to work after a panic attack, but riding the train from her parent\u2019s home was better than living on campus with all the drunk, obnoxious college students wandering around at night. She shivered and pushed the thought away.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Experiments waited. Yumi sat down at her computer and ran the gene splicing simulation to refresh her memory of where she\u2019d left off. Dr. Brandl\u2019s research on genetic modifications as a preventative to disease was years ahead of anywhere else in North America. But there was a limit to how much they could do without stem cells. After Oregon had passed \u201cA Heartbeat is a Life\u201d bill, their research had been drastically set back. Dr. Brandl was already talking about taking a position in Canada. She\u2019d told Rand and Simon she couldn\u2019t continue research without them and intended to hire them wherever she went.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Dr. Brandl hadn\u2019t said anything to Yumi. Nor would she if Yumi didn\u2019t get her butt in gear and prove to Dr. Brandl she was an asset. After two hours of data entry and analyzing statistics, Yumi went back to reading Chinese research.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It was difficult to concentrate. Yumi fantasized that if Dr. Brandl worked in China, where her parents had gone for in vitro genetic modifications, she wouldn\u2019t have to work within the ethical parameters required in the United States. Of course, Yumi didn\u2019t think she could live with herself if she experimented on living human beings like the Chinese were currently doing. She didn\u2019t want anyone to go through what she had.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cHey, you want lunch?\u201d Simon asked. He hunched over her station, glancing at the screen.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yumi shook her head. She continued puzzling over genome sequences.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cAre you sure?\u201d he lowered his voice. \u201cIt\u2019ll just be you and Ethan.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
She glanced at Ethan, who busied himself with feeding the cage of white rats in the corner.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yumi squeezed her friend\u2019s hand. \u201cI\u2019ll be fine.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Fifteen minutes later, Ethan set down a protein bar next to her keyboard. \u201cI pressed the button for chips on the vending machine and this came out with it. Thought I\u2019d see if you wanted a snack.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yumi wanted to believe her coworker was better than everyone else out there, but she suspected this was a ploy. He was trying to flirt with her. Even so, she plastered a polite smile on her face like her mother had taught her. \u201cThanks. I\u2019ll save it for later if I get hungry.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He kept staring at her face, so she looked away.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
She said, \u201cI should get back to work. These genomes aren\u2019t going to solve themselves.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYeah, me too. Are you going to get dinner later?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
She crossed her arms. \u201cDon\u2019t you have a girlfriend?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYeah. Oh, no, I\u2019m not trying to hit on you! I thought I\u2019d see if you want to come with Julia and me.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yumi turned back to her desk. She hated being rude. Her mother would scold her, but she\u2019d learned this was the only way to keep people at a distance.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Ethan sulked his way over to the other side of the lab. A minute later he called out, \u201cI wasn\u2019t trying to hit on you.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cUh huh.\u201d There was no way she was eating that protein bar now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
#<\/p>\n\n\n\n
By dinner, Yumi was ravenous. She headed to the cafeteria with Simon and Amira. One of the lights was out in the cafeteria, and wouldn\u2019t you know it, that was the only one where seats were empty. At this hour, her face would glow bright like the moon, even with a thick layer of foundation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
She scooted into the booth next to Amira, diverting her eyes to avoid the stares.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Amira grabbed a wad of napkins and placed it in the center of the table. After living in America for ten years, Amira had stopped wearing her hijab, mostly because she said the headscarf interfered with her bicycle helmet. Today she wore a skirt three inches above her ankles, something she only did at work. She was pretty in an unassuming way, and if there was one feature on her face that fascinated Yumi more than any other it was her unibrow.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yumi would kill for a unibrow like that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
No sooner had Yumi bit into her hamburger than she looked up and accidentally made eye contact with some eighteen-year-old who looked stoned. He swaggered over, \u201cHey, I\u2019m an astronomy major. I couldn\u2019t help noticing what a heavenly body you have.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
She sighed. She shouldn\u2019t have taken off her lab coat, but she hadn\u2019t wanted to get ketchup on it. Even in an oversized turtleneck her breasts looked like balloons compared to her tiny waist.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cAren\u2019t you sweet! Thank you, dear,\u201d Simon said. \u201cIf you want to come back to my place later, I\u2019ll give you lesson with my telescope.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The kid\u2019s jaw dropped as he looked from Yumi to Simon and Amira as if noticing them for the first time. \u201cNo man, I was talking to her.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWere you? Fortunately for me, friends share. How about I scoot over and we all get to know each other.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The kid stalked off. Yumi tried not to choke as she laughed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Amira gave Simon a high five.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
She was halfway done eating when Ethan wandered over with a young woman. She was a bottle blonde and wore a heavy coat of makeup to hide acne scars. Ethan draped an arm over her and Yumi could tell he really liked her. It made her feel bad about earlier.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The young woman\u2019s smile faltered as her gaze came to rest on Yumi. Yumi didn\u2019t like to stereotype, but she had a feeling Julia would be like Miranda, too jealous of her physical appearance to see her as anything other than a threat.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cHey guys, this is my girlfriend, Julia.\u201d Ethan introduced each of them. \u201cMind if we join you?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
This was one of those moments that Yumi\u2019s mind kicked into what she considered high speed survival mode. She wanted to say no, but for reasons of social etiquette, the correct answer was yes. She didn\u2019t want Ethan to try to sit next to her, but she didn\u2019t want him to sit across from her and stare at her the whole time either.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWhy don\u2019t you pull up a chair?\u201d Yumi said. She looked to Simon. \u201cYou can make room for Julia, right?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
While Julia and Ethan shared a plate of nachos, Julia snuck glances at Yumi.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
A man in a basketball jersey walked over to their table. He hugged a basketball to his hip and smiled at Yumi. \u201cHey, um, every time I see you look up at me, your face glows. I think we have, um, chemistry. I thought I\u2019d see if you want to go to a party with me tonight.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yumi shook her head. \u201cI\u2019m sorry. I didn\u2019t look at you.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYes, you did.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI\u2019d go to a party with you,\u201d Simon said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The athlete laughed uncomfortably. \u201cI\u2019m not a homo, man.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYou\u2019re right, you\u2019re probably a Neanderthal. But if you have any friends who play for my team, send them my way, hon.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Julia looked from the athlete who headed out the door and back to Yumi. \u201cThere\u2019s something weird about this lighting and your makeup. It makes your face look like its glowing.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cIt is kind of angelic.\u201d Ethan laughed, but stopped when no one joined in.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Julia looked from the tight smile stretched across Simon\u2019s face to Amira\u2019s crinkled unibrow. \u201cUm, did I say something wrong?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI guess I must be spending too much time in the lab. I\u2019m radioactive.\u201d Yumi laughed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Amira stole a French fry from Yumi\u2019s plate and dipped it into her hummus. \u201cJust tell them. It\u2019ll be easier for both of them if you do.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It wouldn\u2019t be easier if they reported her parents. Then again, this wasn\u2019t Japan, and they weren\u2019t the scientists who had conducted the experiments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yumi took in a deep breath and spun off the Cliff Notes version of her life. \u201cI\u2019m a genetically modified human being. Like you see in the news from China, but my parents wanted me to have Western features. They left Japan when they decided it would be safer coming here than getting caught.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cSo you really can\u2019t help being beautiful?\u201d Ethan said a little too breathlessly. Julia elbowed him. \u201cOh, that sounded corny, didn\u2019t it? I didn\u2019t mean it that way. I just meant, you aren\u2019t wearing makeup to look pretty, it\u2019s natural.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yumi nodded.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Ethan\u2019s gaze turned pitying as he eyed her baggy turtleneck. \u201cThat\u2019s why you dress like a homeless woman?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI think Yumi has a nice sense of style,\u201d Simon said. \u201cIt\u2019s very scientist chic.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI mean, oh, I just put my foot in my mouth again. I mean, you aren\u2019t trying to dress sexy.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI don\u2019t understand why you don\u2019t do something with your beauty, like enter a pageant or become a model. You could make so much money,\u201d Julia said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yumi shook her head. She doubted Julia could imagine what it was like to be harassed by strangers and stared at constantly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cSome of us like Yumi for her mind,\u201d Amira said. \u201cIn my country, women keep themselves covered so we don\u2019t have to be judged by our appearances.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Julia snorted. \u201cThen why aren\u2019t you covering yourself right now?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yumi could feel the tension building. In her culture, direct confrontation like this was rude. She glanced at Simon. He leaned forward with interest. A woman with short hair at the booth behind Simon and Julia kept trying to catch Yumi\u2019s gaze. She walked past the table, flashing Yumi a smile. Yumi pretended she didn\u2019t see.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Amira waved a hand at her button up blouse. \u201cI can choose how I dress here and I don\u2019t have to worry about my safety.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Julia lifted her nose into the air. \u201cWell, Yumi can choose how she dresses, too. If she put on a burqa she wouldn\u2019t have to worry about being objectified, and it would be more compassionate to everyone around her who has to look at her.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Ah yes, another Miranda complex.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yumi\u2019s voice came out a whisper. \u201cI wouldn\u2019t mind trying a hijab if it wouldn\u2019t offend you, Amira.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Amira looked to her in horror. \u201cYou\u2019re an American. It would be a step back in women\u2019s rights. You shouldn\u2019t have to dress that way.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Simon sighed overdramatically in the way he did when he wanted to diffuse the tension. \u201cYou girls are so lucky to have this problem. No one objectifies me when I go to a club no matter what I wear.\u201d He patted the shirt stretched tight across his abdomen.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yumi laughed at his attempt at humor. \u201cThe grass is always greener.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The woman at the next table walked over. She leaned in a little too close to Yumi. \u201cHey, don\u2019t I know you from biology 401? Aren\u2019t you yummy?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yumi forced a smile. \u201cI think you mean Yumi.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The woman chuckled. \u201cYeah, yummy Yumi. I was thinking\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cDo you realize you\u2019re treating me like a sex object?\u201d She thought about Miranda who only saw her as breasts and her mother who treated her more like a doll than an adult. Yumi turned to Amira, her voice strengthened by decision. \u201cI want a hijab. One with a niquab to cover my face. Can you get me one?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
#<\/p>\n\n\n\n
For the first time ever, Yumi felt liberated. She wore a purple khimar which covered her head and fell to her waist and matching niquab to cover her face so that only her eyes showed. It was hot and stuffy on the Yellow Line train, but no one groped her. People snuck glances and most gave her a wide berth. A regular who usually tried to strike up conversation with her on the evening ride muttered something about \u201cfilthy Muslims,\u201d not even recognizing her. Yumi wondered if she\u2019d traded being one kind of pariah for another, and yet . . . this was a choice, whereas her appearance had never been.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The real problem came when she walked through the door of her parents\u2019 house and removed her shoes. She knew she should have called out in greeting, as was the etiquette expected of her in a Japanese home. But she had hoped to slip by the kitchen to her room down the hallway where she could change. Her mother dropped the knife and half the onion she was chopping and she shrieked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cIt\u2019s just me, Okaasan,\u201d Yumi said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWhat have you done to yourself?\u201d her mother asked in Japanese.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yumi pulled Amira\u2019s clothes off and raked her sweaty hair out of her face. \u201cRelax. I just wore it so no one would grope me on the train ride.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWe didn\u2019t modify you so you could hide your face! We did this so you could have a better life than your father and I had, people always judging us because we weren\u2019t attractive. Why can\u2019t you be grateful for what we gave you?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yumi studied her mother\u2019s plain face scrunched up in rage. This conversation would be like the rest. She bowed. \u201cI\u2019m sorry, Okaasan. Please forgive my impertinence.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYou aren\u2019t sorry. What next? Will you dye your hair and wear brown contacts after all the money we spent on you? Do you know how much that gene modification cost us? We\u2019re still paying off the debt.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yumi switched her tactics. \u201cI don\u2019t wear the scarf inside. Just in the sun to protect my skin so it stays fair. You know how I burn.\u201d Lying to her mother felt wrong, like speaking a foreign tongue. Only, if she was going to fix her problem, she was going to have to learn to harden her heart to guilt. She added, \u201cI\u2019ll let everyone see how pretty I am at work or school. Just not outside in the sun.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cOh.\u201d Her mother turned back to the cutting board. \u201cDon\u2019t let your father see that thing. He\u2019ll think you\u2019ve converted to a different religion.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yumi bowed. Tomorrow she would remove the khimar and niquab before she entered the house.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
#<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yumi felt like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. Thanks to her khimar and niquab, she didn\u2019t plan on putting on foundation until she got to work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
As she stepped onto the train, the woman in the headscarf she\u2019d sat next to the day before waved her over and scooted in so Yumi could sit down. Yumi hesitated, afraid she\u2019d been recognized from the day before. To her horror, the woman spoke to her, in what sounded like Arabic.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yumi shook her head. \u201cI\u2019m sorry, I speak English.\u201d She didn\u2019t add, and Japanese.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The woman went on in English, unperturbed. \u201cYou\u2019re a student at the university too? Are you new? I don\u2019t think I\u2019ve ever seen you before.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yumi kept her eyes down so the stranger wouldn\u2019t see the color of her eyes. \u201cWe probably ride the train at different times. What\u2019s your major?\u201d She tried to keep the questions rolling so the other woman wouldn\u2019t find out the truth\u2014that she was a fake.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
As soon as she paused to take a breath, she asked Yumi\u2019s name and introduced herself with a name Yumi tried to repeat, but couldn\u2019t pronounce.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWhat mosque do you go to?\u201d the woman asked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cUm. . . .\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The woman\u2019s eyes narrowed. \u201cYou aren\u2019t actually Muslim, are you?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWell. . . .\u201d Yumi thought fast. \u201cI\u2019m trying it out.\u201d Not a complete lie. She was trying the clothes out anyway.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cTrying my religion out? You either believe in the true faith of Islam or you don\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sweat trickled down the back of Yumi\u2019s neck and it wasn\u2019t from the warmth of the train. \u201cI do believe the true faith.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cShiite or Sunni?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yumi swallowed. She stood up to leave. \u201cSorry, my stop is coming up.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYou aren\u2019t Muslim. What is wrong with you?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI\u2014I\u2019m not. I just, excuse me.\u201d Yumi ducked and moved farther down the aisle. The woman glared after her. A man stuck out his foot and tripped her. He muttered a remark about terrorists.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
She stood next to the door and rushed out when it opened. It wasn\u2019t her stop, but she exited the train anyway. She would be late again. No time for makeup. She would have to apply it during her lunchbreak so her face wouldn\u2019t glow in the evening.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
As she waited for the next train under a shady tree, a car drove past. A passenger threw a cup of coffee at her, yelling profanities that came and went like a kamikaze Doppler Effect. She shrieked and jumped back. The shock of the burn subsided into a dull throb by the time the next train arrived. Amira\u2019s scarves were ruined, but so far, this was a better day than the previous one.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
She made it to the lab right on time. Rand waved to her from his computer without looking up like he always did. Ethan took notes at the rat cage.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Amira came out of the professor\u2019s office with a stack of papers she\u2019d been grading. \u201cHow\u2019d the hijab work out for\u2014oh, habibi!\u201d She looked Yumi up and down.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yumi removed the headscarf. \u201cNo, really, it was great. I\u2019ll buy you a new scarf if you\u2019re okay with it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Ethan held one of the rats in his hands. He stroked the little guy on the head. \u201cHey, Yumi, Amira. . . .\u201d He shuffled his feet. \u201cI\u2019m sorry about dinner last week. I think Julia went a little too far. But I guess some good came out of that conversation. You found something that worked for you.\u201d He looked the coffee stain up and down. \u201cSort of.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yumi stared at the rat. \u201cIs that Pinky?\u201d His tumors were receding and a lump protruded from his side, resembling the start of another foot.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Ethan chuckled. \u201cYeah, it looks like Dr. Brandl is wrong. You can still get results even if you don\u2019t see them as objects\u2014err\u2014subjects.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yumi forced a smile. If only that were true for all people.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Julia stopped by the lab as Yumi studied diagrams of Pinky\u2019s gene splices. She pretended she didn\u2019t hear Julia\u2019s squeals of enthusiasm over the results of Ethan\u2019s work. How she envied Julia and Ethan. She could never get close to a man like a normal woman did or have a relationship. All the men she\u2019d tried to date had acted sex crazed, and she\u2019d given up.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Despite the train and coffee incident, Yumi continued wearing the headscarf and veil. Over the next two weeks, more people behaved with increasing hostility over her attire. The worst of it was when man groped her at her train stop. Her panic attacks returned.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The one good thing in her life was Pinky. She recorded the growth of the rat\u2019s extra leg. She felt a kindred connection with him, seeing the way the other rats shunned Pinky.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Ethan wandered over to where she stood at the cage. \u201cDo you notice Pinky acts different than the other rats?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
She lifted Pinky from the corner. \u201cHe\u2019s all alone.\u201d She cradled him against her chest. Today was the kind of day she needed a hug too. As far she could tell he didn\u2019t act different. It was like he was invisible to the other rats. She wouldn\u2019t mind being invisible at times. At least to the right people.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYes, but why? Is he depressed?\u201d Ethan checked something off in notes. \u201cDoes it have something to do with the experiment? Do you think it\u2019s time to dissect?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cNo!\u201d Yumi said, more forcefully than she meant.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Miranda looked up at her from across the lab.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yumi lowered her voice to a more professionally clinical tone. \u201cI think we should wait longer. We could start with a blood test.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yumi ran some tests. The results for the leg growth were going as expected. She saw no signs of depression. Something was going on with the hormones, though. She tested the other rats. Hormone levels were normal. The next set of tests revealed Pinky wasn\u2019t creating pheromones. The others were. Yumi examined his genetic markers and found the mutation. With meticulous documentation, she recorded the deviation and ran simulations on how to best remedy it. Pinky shouldn\u2019t have to suffer from unintended side effects like she did.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Out of curiosity, she examined her own DNA. What she found was her pheromones were off as well, only in the opposite direction. She examined the other rats and found they had heightened levels of pheromones as well, not as extreme as hers, but it was still there. That meant something was happening during the gene splicing process that made subjects hypo or hyper attractive. Elated she\u2019d been the one to find this, she typed up a report for Dr. Brandl.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Dr. Brandl called her into her office the next day. The older woman sat at her immaculate desk, Yumi\u2019s report in hand. She stared at Yumi over her bifocals. \u201cI want to commend you for what you found. We previously overlooked this in our initial tests. Tell me, why did you conclude the results would be the same in humans with genetic modification?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yumi swallowed. \u201cI tested myself.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Her words hung in the air for a long moment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Dr. Brandl leaned back in her chair. \u201cI see.\u201d Her gaze raked over Yumi. \u201cYou\u2019re originally from China?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cJapan. My parents lived in China for a time.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Dr. Brandl sighed. \u201cDid they get caught?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cNo. They moved here to avoid incarceration.\u201d She pulled at a hangnail. \u201cI didn\u2019t ask for this life. My pheromones aren\u2019t normal either. I would like to be able to help people out there avoid these kinds of genetic mistakes.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Dr. Brandl nodded. \u201cWe can\u2019t publish our findings on you without getting your parents in trouble, but we can publish what you found in the rats and hypothesize it would be the same in humans.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cDo I have permission to see if I can remedy the symptoms in Pinky\u2014err\u2014Subject 246 with additional gene splicing?\u201d If she could solve Pinky\u2019s problem, she could solve her own.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
A smile tugged at Dr. Brandl\u2019s lips. \u201cPinky? Which one is the Brain?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cMe.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
They both laughed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Dr. Brandl removed her glasses. \u201cI say go for it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yumi stood.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Dr. Brandl smiled. \u201cAnd, Yumi, good job. You\u2019re an asset to the team.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
#<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Over the next few weeks Yumi recorded Pinky\u2019s progress. She returned his pheromones to a normal level. She applied the reverse process to Mochi to decrease his level of pheromones to a normal balance to make sure it would work in reverse. It did.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Maybe she had a chance of impressing Dr. Brandl enough that she\u2019d take Yumi with her to Canada.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Her next step was to experiment on herself. It wouldn\u2019t be unethical like what they did in China because she was a willing subject, though it would be years before she\u2019d be able to publish the results of this experiment so that it would benefit others. And if she was going to enhance her genes to change her pheromones, she could give herself any feature people found unattractive.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yumi thought of Amira\u2019s unibrow and smiled.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sarina Dorie has sold over 200 short stories to markets like Analog, Daily Science Fiction, Fantasy Magazine, and F & SF. She has over one hundred books up on Amazon, including her bestselling series, Womby\u2019s School for Wayward Witches.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n A few of her favorite things include: gluten-free brownies (not necessarily glutton-free), Star Trek, steampunk, fairies, Severus Snape, and Mr. Darcy. She lives with twenty-three hypoallergenic fur babies, by which she means tribbles. By the time you finish reading this bio, there will be twenty-seven.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n