Some absolutely incredible medical breakthroughs have given cause for a Special Edition of Doc Forre’s Science Report.
A common risk in medical surgery is artifacts of the procedure being left behind in the human body, and scientists have now developed a way to solve that problem.
A team from Northern University has developed a new grade of medical instruments that they call “Keratools”- tools designed from a new material that do not cause rejection if left inside the body.
The feat was accomplished by creating a polymer from keratin, a protein that acts as the active ingredient in horns, finger nails, and hair. Said to have a smooth, silky texture, and voluminous body, the materials are getting rave reviews from the team at Northern.
To ensure the quality of the tools the protein was harvested from actual humans, and contains a mix of both head and pubic hairs that have been spun into the tools. A new 3D printer was built to produce the devices, and hair donors can simply dump shavings into a drawer in the bottom of the printer cabinet. The material is pasteurized to kill any microbes after a solution formed from the dissolved proteins. Tests show that the material can have up to a 17% chitin impurity and still be both sturdy and safe if left inside a human being.
Tested in a single-blind clinical study, patient outcomes were much higher in those who had unknowingly had the Keratools abandoned in their abdomens as opposed to regular old scalpels and bone saws.
The 3D printing devices are already installed in a number of hospitals throughout the country.
It’s a sad truth, but according to some, the secondary thoracic papillae are the one of the most frequently damaged parts of the mammalian body. Detroit researchers see a problem with this and are actively recruiting participants to test new, cybernetic papillae for the general populace in clinical trials.
The devices are activated with kinetic force and provide tactile feedback through a vibration felt throughout the body. Made from lightweight silicon in a variety of colors and patterns including pinstripes and flames, the devices also serve to restore confidence in those who suffer from left or right papillar degeneration.
Clinical trials have been a problem in this area, and the new participants are primarily to fill in gaps in the sample size. To qualify, one must have been born with intact secondary thoracic papillae and lost at least one at some point in life.
Strict controls are expected to be implemented in the reboot of the study. Of the original sample of 47 volunteers, all were men who suffered secondary thoracic papilla damage, and of these 47, 44 were dropped from the study. 27 of the devices were destroyed via belt sanders, power buffers, or excessive polish; 14 were destroyed due to non-study related modifications, and 3 were removed and returned with participants citing “…too much power gifted to man.”
If you or someone you know in the Detroit area has a damaged or missing papillae, limited access to power tools, and is someone you trust alone with your sister, please contact Newpple Enterprises.
Researchers with the Big Brain Project announced Friday that their artificial brain has spoken its first untrained phrase from words that were not initially programmed.
The Big Brain Project has been working for years to create a neural network capable of learning and using human speech in ways similar to human beings; the goal is to show that a complex enough computer system could be a source of simulated consciousness. It seems that the team has made its first steps towards that goal.
The following statement was given in a press release by Dr. Arthur Warring:
Late Thursday night, while one of our staff members was conducting extensive online research as part of our ongoing work, the first words of the Big Brain Project AI were first spoken. “Caution…” the Big Brain said. “A virus has been detected.”
This is a very exciting time. We can’t think of when we would’ve said that phrase near the computer’s speakers. The computer was likely trying out words it had “heard” using grammatical systems it had picked up from us, and we don’t expect the words to have much meaning. Baby talk, if you will. But as far as evidence of machine consciousness, we believe we are on the right track.
Doc Forre is not a real doctor, nor even a fake one – he just plays one in Shadowrun. His interests are sciences with unnecessary neuro- prefixes and how they can be abused in traditional game design. You can get in touch with Doc Forre via email at firstname.lastname@example.org or follow him on twitter @DocForre.